Loved, Appreciated, Cherished

Knowing my hair was going to fall out I had been postponing getting it cut but, last week, I couldn't take it any longer and headed to our local Great Clips to have it cut off. 

I knew it! I knew that once I paid to get my hair cut it would fall out. It's like going through the car was and then getting caught in the rain. 

$35 down the drain! 

This past Sunday I stepped out of the shower, toweled off and tried to dry my hair. I say tried because when I rubbed it with the towel it rained down. 

I had to clean out the bathroom sink three times. 

I knew that I was going to have to shave it off but I wanted to go to church so I put a ton of gel into it, got dressed and headed out. 

Think about that for a second...I literally glued my hair to my head before leaving the house. 

By the time I got home my hair was coming out by the handfuls and the gel was decorating my shoulders like I had the worst case of dandruff in the world. 

And of course I was wearing a black dress. Eeeeeew! 

I had told the boys that when it was time they could shave my head. 

Fortunately my BFF and her hubby were coming over for lunch. 

Good thing too.  

The kids buzzed me in the most random directions leaving me looking like something that just escaped from an insane asylum. 

At one point we took a break to let the clippers cool down and I went in the house to see just how bad I looked. I opened the back door and stepped into the kitchen. Glenn took one look at me and said, "Oh good they let you out." 

Bwhahahahaha! Oh how I love that man!

Yeah...it was that bad! 

To refer to the experience as hysterical would be an understatement. 

 

Because I work with food for a living I couldn't risk having tiny buzzed hairs falling out all day long so, off to the shower I went to shave my head. 

To be honest, I've secretly wanted to shave my head ever since seeing Demi Moore in GI Jane in 1997! 

Aaaaah the freedom. 

Let's be honest here, I could have done it any time during my life but now I have the best excuse, right?! 

We made a video of the Great Buzzing. 

Hope it puts a smile on your face. 

Most of this week I have just rocked the bald head, it's summertime, it's hot and my damn scalp still itches. I have some summer weight beanies that a friend sent but I also forget to put them on!

Earlier this week I had to run to Costco for supplies. I was about halfway there when I realized I had forgotten my beanie. Whatever, I wasn't about to turn around and go get it so, I just rocked the bald head. 

I jokingly whispered to the kids that I thought people were staring at me. Daniel replied, "Well, they are." LOL! 

Can we talk about bald ladies? Why is it ok for men to be bald but women need hats, wigs, scarves, turbans etc? 

How many times do you hear a woman say, "I'd cut my hair but my husband loves it long."

Guys, can you please stop pressuring the women in your lives to grow their hair? We know you like it long. 

Fun fact: most of us do too. 

Truly, I can count on one hand the number of guys that prefer short hair over long. 

You don't need to state it...constantly. 

I once had a man tell me he'd leave me if I ever cut my hair. If i'd know how good it was going to be without him, I'd have done it years earlier. Ha!  

While you may see it as "stating an opinion," we receive it as pressure. 

What you are doing is setting us up to feel ugly and threatened with abandonment if we ever lose our hair. 

According to the Mayo Clinic (click the link for the full article) there six primary reasons for female hair loss: 

• Family history (heredity). 
• Hormonal changes and medical conditions. 
• Medications and supplements. 
• Radiation therapy to the head. 
• A very stressful event. 
• Hairstyles and treatments. 

There are 6.8 million women in the country currently dealing with hair loss from Alopecia alone. 

Although I don't care about my hair loss, the thought for some women is catastrophic. We are judged by our hair. Our looks are rated on good or bad "hair days." For most, our femininity and confidence is tied to our hair. 

Imagine the emotional damage that can be caused caused by having to shave it off when the chemo or hormone blockers kick in.  

You can't tell your partner that you love her "no matter what" and that she's "beautiful no matter what" when you've been telling her for years that you loved her hair. 

I'm sorry but...

I love you but...

That's really good but...

In statements like this, everything after but is bullshit! 

The worst I've heard, from another cancer patient, was when her husband told her that he, "loved her but missed her hair." 

What he was telling her was that he loved her, but he didn't and that's bullshit! 

 

Two Down, Ten To Go!

I've had two chemo treatments so far. 

Honestly, the chemo treatments themselves aren't bad. In fact, it's pretty relaxing!

Having the port installed was not relaxing despite the drugs they gave me. 

They put me under conscious sedation which means that I was still sort of awake but didn't care. 

The problem is that lidocaine and novacaine wear off super fast in my body. The doctor had to give me extra lidocaine half way through the procedure. 

I did warn him that this was going to be necessary but I don't think he took me as seriously as he should have. 

After the port was installed I was sent back to the pre-op/recovery area where my wonderful friend Julie waited for me. 

Julie is an amazing person who is a retired oncology nurse. She answers all my questions and keeps my anxiety riddle brain at ease. 

Julie and I met a couple of years ago when she was assigned to my Mother's of Preschoolers (Mops) group as our Mentor Mom.  

Mops is an amazing Christian based program that brings moms together to help one another through, what is undoubtedly, one of the hardest times of life. Although the boys are going into third grade now, I have been a member of Mops since before they were one year old.  

Mops has been my lifeline for years! 

I thought I was going to go insane from the isolation, when Covid ravaged the coutry and forced us all into quarantine. To help keep what little sanity I have, Julie started coming to my house once a week with a bag chair, a cup of coffee and a blanket so that I could have company. 

We would sit out in the sunshine on the lawn and just talk.

We have continued to meet weekly and Julie was one of the first people I called when I was diagnosed. 

Surgery, chemo, port installations, etc. are really scary when you have no idea what is going on. 

Julie is the calm in my storm these days. 

I can message her with the dumbest stuff and she never criticizes me. She just answers my questions and makes me feel normal. Not an easy task, I can assure you!

Because Glenn was going to be taking me to chemo that week, I asked if Julie could bring me to get the port put in. I'm so grateful that she was there. She understands things that neither my hubby nor I do. 

The port hurt like hell! 

It was so bad that night, I almost vomited while trying to eat dinner. 

So, of course, I called Julie! 

It really wasn't the actual port that hurt. What was bothering me was the area on my neck where they accessed my artery and then pressure dressed it with a folded up gauze pad and tegaderm (clear plastic medical tape). The gause pad was putting so much pressure on my neck that I could feel it when I swallowed and it hurt to move. 

They closed the area with surgical glue so I didn't even need the pressure dressing. We decided that removing that part would be ok. 

I washed my hands, got out the Neosporin band-aids and got to work. 

After the gauze had been removed and replaced with the bandaid most of the pain in my neck went away. 

The purple thing and the catheter are under my skin. In the picture above, the stuff on the top is the needle and catheter through which the drugs flow. 

The port is on my chest, the catheter goes into my carotid artery. 

The port is fantastic! They can draw blood through it and also give the drugs through it. No more poking my arm everytime they need blood. 

The reason everything is taped up in that picture is that after they finished installing the port they left the needle in (accessed) so that I didn't have to endure a needle stick the next day when I started the chemo. 

While I am very grateful to have it, the first few days of having the port in were terrible. According to the doctor I had "higher than normal bruising/swelling" which was most likely contributing to the discomfort. 

Evidently I'm special! 

The neck is a pretty tight place and a little swelling goes a long way. 

Exaserbating things was the fact that the Tegaderm ate my skin...literally. My skin came off when they removed the tape and the tape has to be removed to remove the needle. 

By the following Friday (Chemo day 2) almost all of the swelling was down, most of the bruising was gone and Julie reminded me to use my Emla cream prior to going in for my infusion.   

Emla is a prescription lidocaine cream. It is heaven in a tube! 

I squirt a blob onto my skin on the top of the port then apply plastic wrap. The plastic keeps the cream from getting absorbed into a bandage or gause pad and numbs the area. It worked like a charm! I didn't even feel the needle when she put it into the port! 

As I mentioned earlier, chemo is a pretty chill event. The nurses are super nice! Each patient has their own TV, Wifi is free and there is a volunteer who gets us beverages and snacks.  The pumps unplug and have a four hour battery runtime which allows us to walk around if we want to and we are free to go to the bathroom whenever we need. 

Most people (myself included) picture chemo with lots of vomiting and horror stories. While vomiting does happen for some patients, it doesn't happen there. It usually takes a couple days for the drugs to work their way into the system. 

People don't vomit the moment the drugs start flowing. 

Most of us sleep or watch TV. Some people can even work and bring laptops. 

I sleep :) 

The order of my infusion is: Steroids, Benedryl, Taxol, Herceptin. 

The steroids give me great energy for the next couple of days but it doesn't kick in right away. The Benadryl is precautionary to keep me from having a reaction to the Taxol. Taxol is the chemo drug and the Herceptin is the Her2 blocker. From when I arrive to when I leave it's approximately four hours. 

Usually I fall asleep once the Taxol is started and sleep until the Herceptin is almost finished. 

Glenn drives me to chemo then goes to Wawa and picks up lunch. 

We eat lunch together then I pass out. 

Last week he ran errands while I was sleeping. 

By 3-4pm on Friday I am feeling pretty good and by evening the steroids have me FLYING!!! 

I can clean the house, fold the laundry, finish cakes, bring home the bacon and fry it up in a pan! LOL! 

Unfortunately, sleeping on Friday nights is also an issue. 

That issue is usually gone by 2pm on Sunday. 

Once the steroids wear off, I crash. 

Mondays are tough because my energy is low and the chemo fatigue sets in. 

 I have dubbed Tuesdays "Taxol Tuesday" as that's when the tummy issues start. 

Taxol Tuesday's Breakfast of Champions is coffee, toast, Immodium and Zofran. 

The Taxol creates issues bad enough that I need to take 1/2 and immodium every day but I increase that to a full one on Monday and Tuesday. 

I am blessed that the Zofran is doing it's job and I have not thrown up...yet. 

Each week is different so we'll see. 

The other charming side effect is acid reflux. 

OMGness it's horrible! 

Nexium makes 20 mg mini-capsules. I take one in the morning and one in the evening to combat the heartburn. (Just FYI - if you are undergoing chemo don't add anything unless you check with a pharmacist to make sure you won't have a bad reaction with the chemo drugs). 

I still have my hair. They keep telling me that it's going to fall out. I was going to get it cut then thought, "Why waste the money?" So, it's an unruly mop! 

As I've mentioned previously, I have a love/hate relationship with my hair. Mostly hate. It's been the one constant that has driven me crazy for most of my life. 

I'm ready to not have to deal with it for a while.  

I decided to go to church on Sunday since the mask mandates have been fully lifted. While getting ready I took and shower and had to shave my legs. 

I was so annoyed! 

All I could think of was, "Can we hurry up the hairloss thing?"

We Send You A Form

If you have kids under 15 you are most likely familiar with YouTubers.

Specifically, gamers.  

The boys are obsessed with watching other people play video games. These gamers may be most annoying people on the face of the earth. Their over the top drama used to hype up Minecraft is the stuff that creates migraines. 

But...While on YouTube they discovered Mark Rober. 

THE Mark Rober of glitterbomb fame. 

According to the profile on Wikipedia, "Mark B. Rober is an American YouTuber, engineer, and inventor. He is known for his YouTube videos on popular science and do-it-yourself gadgets. Before YouTube, Rober was an engineer with NASA for 9 years where he spent seven of those years working on the Curiosity rover at NASA's Jet Propulsion Laboratory."

Rober only makes one video a month but the boys had not watched him before so we binge watched everything that he had created to date. 

If you have kids who says they hate science, you need to have them watch this guy. He is amazing! 

Warning: Be prepared to do some serious experiments once they are inspired! 

One of the videos he created was  Glitterbomb Trap Catches Phone Scammer (who gets arrested)

Scamming is a numbers game. They send out thousands of emails or phone calls and get a handful of responses that can earn them hundreds or thousands of dollars. We've all received the irritating phone calls and emails. Most of us ignore them but, once in a while the scammers get someone on the phone and get them talking. They convince them that they will be sending a refund and then walk them through a number of steps that ultimately gives the scammer access to the person's personal information. 

Scamming is a $20 billion industry. Scammers are warehoused in packed call centers who use scare tactics and threats to extract thousands of dollars from unsuspecting people. 

They are smart, unscrupulous and corrupt. 

They don't care if they are taking a person's last dollar. They care about making money. 

We all think that "people should know better" and we should but they are crafty. 

One of the people who assisted Mark Rober was YouTuber Scammer Payback. While I was recovering from my mastectomy I spent lots of time watching his videos. 

I'll never have the mental capacity for programming but I am very grateful for guys like this who can expose these scammers and send the authorities to their door! 

Today I received an email stating that my annual subscription to Norton Antivirus was being automatically renewed through Amazon. The email stated that if I had questions or concerns I could call the number provided in the email. 

I don't have Norton. In fact, I haven't had Norton in years. And even when I did have Norton, I purchased it through Norton not Amazon.

But just to be sure I hadn't accidentally purchased it in the past, I double checked my order history. 

Nope. No Norton. 

Because I had watched the videos I knew it was the Amazon scam described in the videos but I called anyway. 

They said all the things that Rober and Scammer Payback said they would. 

When I said that I didn't want the renewal they said they could do a refund as long as I had a computer. 

I replied with, "Is this the part where you get access to my computer and get me to sign into my bank?"

He replied, "Oh no. We send you a form to complete." 

I said, "No, no you won't. I don't know how you can sleep at night knowing that you are ripping people off!"

They don't actually take the money, nor do they actually provide a refund but they make it look like they do. Then they get the victim to send them gift cards, money orders and even cash packed with coffee grounds or wrapped in foil! 

They gift cards and cash can't be traced and coffee grounds and foil keep it from being detected by security dogs. 

The lengths they go to is amazing and they are astoundingly successful! 

Scamming is a $20 billion industry. It most likely will not stop any time soon. 

Educating yourself about how they work is the best way to keep them from working on you or your loved ones. 

Huge thanks to Mark Rober and Scammer Payback AKA Pierogi for your work. You saved me lots of money! 

Make sure to click the links and watch the videos! 

A Fighting Chance

My niece got married last weekend. She was supposed to have gotten married in 2020 but the world shut down on their original wedding date!  

Two reschedules later, they are finally husband and wife! 

It was an unbelievable wedding with lots of laughs, a few tears, great speeches and...

I danced!!!

It's been ages since I danced. 

Like, REALLY danced. 

I led a freaking conga line through a ballroom! 

My feet still hurt and so does my chest (a little) but...

I. Don't. Care!!! 

Chemo looms on my horizon. 

I overdid it knowing that it was going to be my last opportunity to do so for a while. 

Unfortunatley, I spent Sunday in bed because the armpit where they removed the nodes hurt like hell. 

The worst part was that we had to postpone our Father's Day canoe trip. Canoe trips are a family favorite and I was really looking forward to it. But, between the pain and not getting any sleep because of the pain it was just not a good idea. 

Fortunately, I am the type of person who does actually listen to my body and backs off when things get rough. 

I didn't used to be that person. 

I have overdone it physically many, many times in my life and have the knees, ankles and arthritis to prove it. 

But I have matured, well, actually my body has matured and no longer allows me to be a dumbass who doesn't know when to stop. 

However, this does not matter to some people who feel it necessary to give me useless advice. 

If one more person tells me to take care of myself I may throat punch them. 

Aaaaaaaaaaaaargh!!!! 

Yes, I know it's important. 

I'm not a moron. 

I'm also a business owner, business partner, boss, manager, marketing director, mom, wife, homeowner, chief cook and bottle washer. 

The hats I wear are many. 

Self-care is a hot cup of coffee and a game of on-line cribbage. 

While people mean well, they need to respect where a person is in their life. Unsolicited advice right now is rarely welcome. 

I appreciate the people who ask if I need help, not the people who tell me I should get some.

Don't tell me to relax, breathe or calm down. 

When I am wound up and having a crappy day I need people who can commiserate or just listen. Having someone say, "I have no idea how you feel but I'm here if you need to vent" means the world to me. 

I appreciate their honesty and their willingness to be with me in the moment. 

They don't offer advice, tell me how to feel or try to fix anything. They just listen! 

Speaking of fixing things...

The engine in the 2017 Ford escape has been replaced. Ford covered most of the parts. While we are very grateful to Ford for their assistance, we still should not have had to replace an engine at 84,400 miles! 

It runs well and everything is good except the passenger side windshield wiper now hits the "A" pillar and makes a tapping sound every time it swipes. 

So annoying! 

I only noticed because, after going through the carwash and cleaning the inside of the car for two hours, it rained. 

Never fails! 

Today I had an echocardiogram and had more lab work done. I'll be happy when the port is installed and I can stop being a pin cushion! 

The port will be installed on Thursday morning. Chemo starts Friday and will be every week for 12 weeks. 

Reactions to the drugs are an unknown as I fortunately, have never had them before. 

The unknowns bother me more than anything else. 

I might be sick, but I might not. 

I might lose my hair, but I might not. 

I might have neuropathy, but I might not. 

I try to not spend a lot of time thinking about that stuff. 

It's a massive rabbit hole of "what ifs" that I don't want to go down. Instead, I choose to bury myself in the technical stuff. 

I like to understand the treatments and the research/reasoning behind them. 

I will be receiving Taxol and Herceptin. 

"Taxol, originally extracted from the bark of the Pacific yew tree, is one of the mostly commonly used drugs against solid tumors, and is a front-line drug for treating ovarian and advanced breast cancer. The drug is known to bind to microtubules and essentially freeze them in place, which prevents them from separating the chromosomes when a cell divides. This kills dividing cells, in particular cancer cells, which are known for rapid proliferation." Berkeley News

"Herceptin works by attaching itself to the HER2 receptors on the surface of breast cancer cells and blocking them from receiving growth signals. By blocking the signals, Herceptin can slow or stop the growth of the breast cancer. Herceptin is an example of an immune targeted therapy. In addition to blocking HER2 receptors, Herceptin can also help fight breast cancer by alerting the immune system to destroy cancer cells onto which it is attached." Breastcancer.org

Although they do not know which side effect I will succumb to, they do know that these two drugs can give me many, many more years to come. 

According to the National Cancer Institute, $590 million dollars is invested in breast cancer research annually. 

I am am grateful for each an everyone of those dollars for myself, my sister, my mother, my aunt, countless friends and any other woman who will hear that they have breast cancer. 

Because of the preventative/diagnostic measures that have come from that reseach, we have a fighting chance today. 

While it is not a sorority I ever wanted to pledge, I am proud to be a pink ribbon sister with some of the most amazing warriors on the planet. 

But Wait There's More!

As if breast cancer and a new HVAC system weren't enough, our car died. 

Our 2017 Ford Escape died. 

Yes, you read that correctly. 

Making matters even worse, our extended warranty was good for 6 years or 75,000 miles and we have 84,491 miles on it. So while we were below on time we were over on miles. 

I called Ford and begged, groveled and cried. 

It worked. 

We are waiting for the final details but it looks like Ford will pay for the parts and we will have to pay for the labor. 

So if anyone has a spare $3K they're willing to part with...

From what the Service Manager at the dealership told me, this is more than he's seen Ford pay for anything in quite some time. 

For that I am grateful but again, the vehicle only has 84,491 miles. It shouldn't need an engine.

We have 17 payments left and will have to drive this thing into the ground to get our money out of it. 

We just can't catch a break! 

After my diagnosis of breast cancer I made the decision to be very open about the cancer, surgery, treatment, etc. specifically because I wanted to help educate people. My hope was that sharing my experience would encourage others to have their mammograms and maybe I could help save a life. 

Never, in a million years, did I imagine the life I would be saving was my little sister! 

Yup, you read that correctly too! 

After having cancer hit so close to home (and being harranged by our mom), my sister finally made it in for a mammogram. 

The call came in about two days later that she needed to go in for a follow up. 

When she called I wasn't worried. Both my mom and and I had to go back for additional mammograms that each turned out to be nothing. 

It wasn't nothing. 

There is a tumor. 

She has since had a biopsy and all we know at this point is that she has cancer and that the tumor is Invasive Ductal Carcinoma...sound familiar? 

Yes, that's what mine was too. 

Hopefully when she sees her surgeon later this week she'll get more information about hormone receptors and we are praying that she is Her2 negative. 

She has gone for genetic testing and I have a swab kit being sent to my house to have my testing done too. 

We are currently encouraging all family members to be tested. In fact, I'd love to find a genetic researcher to catalog the whole family! 

I have also discovered that John's Hopkins still has tissue samples from my father's autopsy in 2010. We are now looking into having one of those samples tested for known genetic cancer markers. 

Although my mom was negative for the BRCA1/2 genes it could be present in my dad's side of the family. It doesn't matter whether the gene comes from the maternal or paternal side. If a woman tests positive for the BRCA gene there is a greater than 70% chance they will develop breast cancer. 

But wait there's more! 

Did you know that men can test positive too?

A man with BRCA2 is not only at risk for developing breast cancer but has an increased risk of developing prostate cancer as well. 

"Men who carry a BRCA2 gene alteration have a higher lifetime risk of developing prostate cancer. 1 in 4 - 1 in 5 (20-25%) of men who carry BRCA2 develop prostate cancer at some point. Most of these prostate cancers occur over the age of 45. Men who carry a BRCA2 alteration also have a higher chance of getting breast cancer. The chance of this is about 1 in 14 (7%)." (West Midlands Regional Genetic Department. Dorothy Halliday, Consultant in Cancer Genetics Version 1, November 2011, Review, November 2014, Oxford University Hospitals NHS Trust , Oxford OX3 9DU)

So guys...If there is a high incidence of breast cancer or prostate cancer in either side of you parent's families you need to contact a genetic counselor. If you don't know if there is a history of cancer in your family, start asking questions and create a family tree.  

According to the American Cancer Society Breast cancer is the second leading cause of cancer death in women. (Only lung cancer kills more women each year.) The chance that a woman will die from breast cancer is about 1 in 39 (about 2.6%). Unfortunately, breast cancer incidents continue to rise by .5% annually and 85% of those have no family history of breast cancer. 

It can happen to anyone! 

They are still discovering causes and treatments. If caught early enough the 5-year survival rate is greater than 90%. 

I can't emphasize early intervention enough. Do you weekly self breast exam. Pick a day of the week and do it religiously. Pick a style of exam and stick with it. That way you can detect an abnormality right away! 

If you're due for the mammogram, make the appointment. 

It may save your life! 

You Can't Make This Up

While I would be bored to death in a life that was the same day after day, life has been so much more stressful the past two months than I could ever have imagined. 

The roller coaster of life has been relentless.

Don’t get me wrong, this adrenaline junkie does love a good coaster but this one has been hell.


It feels like we’re stuck in an endless loop-de-loop and the damn thing wont stop!

Eleven days before double mastectomy surgery, after enduring countless tests and an additional bone cancer scare, the central AC in the house died. I have been paying a company called American Home Shield for a home warranty since we bought the house in 2011 specifically to protect us when the HVAC died.

I filed a claim and American Home Shield sent some half-assed contractor who was super nice when he thought we were going to upgrade both the AC and Furnace with him (they were 21 years old...it was time) but when I tried to get him to get partial compensation through the warranty company, he ghosted us.

In fact, he ghosted American Home Shield…but they don’t care.

I did some research and discovered that is his normal MO. He has a one-star rating with BBB and that star is because you can't give zero.

I called American Home Shield every day trying to get this rectified because I was facing a double mastectomy and returning home to a house with no AC. And, both the contractor and American Home Shield knew about my impending surgery!

American Home Shield informed me that they would pay to replace the compressor but that the freon was going to cost $1,400. We had a lengthy discussion about the fact that the system was 21 years old and once they replaced the compressor something else would fail that’s what happens with old equipment! Never mind the fact that I didn't want to pay $1,400 for freon. If we were going to pay that much money it was going toward a new system.

American Home Shield called Tom at Climate Control Heating & Air, LLC multiple times and left messages asking him to call. He didn't.

After a full week of daily calls to both American Home Shield and Climate Control Heating & Air LLC I was informed that the contractor had ordered the compressor without ever speaking to us.

WTF?!

I lost my shit!!!

We never authorized the repair and that guy never bothered to speak to us.

I did get one email from him yelling at me in all CAPS that said if he changed his recommendation, they’d send someone for a second opinion. I told him I didn’t care.

He disappeared again.

In the meantime, we had contacted a friend of a friend who is starting his own HVAC business. James gave us an amazing deal on a both a central AC and new furnace.

Damn good thing too.

Evidently the heat exchange was full of cracks. Had we fired it up this fall the whole family may have died.

I had surgery on May 17.

While I was in the hospital hubby went to Home Depot and bought a window air conditioner so I could come home and recuperate in comfort.

Think about this… in addition to the thousands of dollars that I have wasted with American Home Shield we are now out $8,400 for a new HVAC system plus the cost of a window air conditioner.

American Home Shield, after being shamed on Facebook, has paid us $797 that was supposed to cover the Compressor and labor - don't forget that we were going to have to pay $1400 for freon - so that measly $797 was truly a drop in the pond.

Unbelievably, the Friday after surgery, Tom from Climate Control Heating & Air LLC called. My only comment was that I didn't want to speak to him, and I hung up.

I could have let loose on the jerk, but what would be the point? It's not like he gave a crap to begin with!

James arrived the next morning and got the new system installed. By dinner time that night we were back in whole house comfort! We are so grateful to him for rearranging his schedule to help us.

There are reputable home warranty companies out there. American Home Shield is not one of them. If you are thinking about a home warranty do your research so you don’t waste your money like we did.

If you need a new HVAC system, let me know…I gotta guy! 

Robotic Box Checker

I thought I was going to get my drains out last week.

I was wrong. 

Unbeknownst to me, the total drainage per side needs to be below 30 cc per day for two days consecutively. Not knowing this, I arrived at the surgeon's office only to be informed, rather snippily by the nurse, that I was not going to be having them removed that day, the next day or probably not until the following week.

When I questioned why she said that I was draining more than 30cc's for the day. When I replied that I didn't know that she said, "I asked you when you called this morning." 

Technically she did. However, she did not ask, "Are you under 30cc's for the day?" What she asked was, "Are you under 30cc's?" I replied that when I emptied the drain that morning it was less than 20cc's. 

She got nippy. I got snippy right back and said, "You'll have to excuse me. This is the first time I've had my boobs cut off so I have no idea how things are supposed to work."

Then I had a massive meltdown... and the nurse got a lot nicer.

But, I still spent the day in bed crying. I was devastated. 

The drains hurt. 

I mentioned previously that the drain on the right was killing me. It was super painful and as it healed it got worse. Add suction pain to the drain pain and I was completely miserable. Seriously, it felt like my skin was being sucked into my chest. 

Sleeping has been nearly impossible which has contributed to my deteriorating emotional state and increased depression. Two antidepressants a day did little to help me. 

Don't get me wrong, I could and did, push through most days but all it would take was a pin to drop and I was off and blubbering again. 

I'm not the worst at asking for help but I'm not the best either. 

Fortunately for us, people have been better at helping than I have been at asking. 

Dinner has been delivered every other night by an army of friends and neighbors. The kids have had transportation provided and extra play time at friend's houses so I could rest and my staff has been UNBELIEVABLE! 

Honestly, I couldn't ask for better employees! I want to go into detail about these women but I will save that for another day and give them the full post they deserve. 

Fast forward to this week and my drains were removed on Wednesday...finally. 

We arrived at the surgeon's office and checked in. 

The nurse (same one) came around the corner and told Glenn that he couldn't come in. I responded with another  massive meltdown...like snot bubble, hyperventilate meltdown. 

Persistent pain is exhausting. I was worn out and clearly incapable of controlling my emotions.

Fortunately she relented, let him come with me and my drains were removed. 

The left one was uncomfortable but the right (the one that's hurt the whole time) hurt like hell! The nurse had to stop halfway through removing it so I could take a break. 

She also removed the steri-strips from the surgery and it looks so good! The incision is still a little wrinkly but it's flattening out a little each day. 

I did apologize for being such a nut job in the waiting room. She told me it was ok and went on to explain that since she was in the room alone she was afraid of having my husband pass out (something that has happened with spouses before) and she would not be able to take care of him and pull the drains at the same time. 

She told me I didn't need to apologize but I did again anyway. I do feel badly. 

Without the drains in, both my demeaner and my range of motion are improving. I'm not crying at everything and I even helped on some of the cakes this week! 

Maybe I'll even be able to fold the massive pile of clean laundry that has accumulated in the house. 

Yippee. <snark>

Glenn washes and dries but doesn't fold. 

After lunch we met with my oncologist, Dr. Tedeschi at Penn Medicine. 

Before the doctor came in a technician came to take my weight, temp, oxygen level etc. then began asking the barrage of general questions. The best one was, "Are you experiencing pain?" Glenn snorted, I laughed and said, "I just had my drains removed, so today is probably not the day to ask." She looked at me like a deer in headlights and asked, "So you have pain?" I replied, "Yeah, yeah I have pain." 

Then she asked...

Wait for it...

...

"Where?"

"Where they cut my boobs off!" I snarked. 

Really?!

C'mon people! I understand that these are trained individuals but seriously, can we bring back common sense?! They are not just trained but over-trained an incapable or not allowed to think for themselves. 

It was like speaking with a robotic box-checker. 

The Oncologist was a different story! I really like her. She is smart, funny, compassionate and has common sense! 

She didn't brush my concerns aside about having two businesses and needing to be as available as possible. When discussing the chemo schedule and possible side effects she made the suggestion of Fridays for infusion. This way if I have a negative reaction to the chemo my down days would be Sunday and Monday when the store is closed anyway and I wouldn't have to worry about finding someone to cover my hours. If it goes well and I feel up to it, I can have the infusion in the morning and then work in the afternoon! 

If I don't have any reaction to the chemo, I can switch my infusion days to Tuesdays in Kennett Square vs Friday's in West Chester. The difference in drive time is about 25 minutes each direction so being able to move to Kennett Square would be fantastic! 

Dr. Tedeschi did say that I would probably lose my hair. I replied, "Well, a summer without shaving can't be all bad right?!" She looked me in the eyes, smiled and said, "I like you. We're going to get along really well." 

I know for some losing their hair can be very traumatic. Truth be told? I'm sort of looking forward to not having hair. I've had a life-long love/hate relationship with the stuff. It is extremely frizzy. I once even had a hairdresser refer to it as fuzzy! Not having to deal with it at all might be a welcomed change for a few months. 

Now onto the chemo regimen....

I will be having Taxol + Herceptin infused via a port once a week for 12 weeks and then just the Herceptin once every three weeks for the remainder of the year. 

Many people are familiar with the chemo cocktail of ACTH. This stands for chemotherapy medicines Adriamycin, Cytoxan (chemical name: cyclophosphamide), and Taxotere (chemical name: docetaxel), plus Herceptin.

ACT is much more harsh than just the Taxol and comes with so many more side effects. I am feeling very lucky. Studies have shown that, in patients with clear nodes and a mass less than 2 cm, there is no benefit in receiving the ACT with H and that Taxol plus Herceptin is just as effective. Had the mass been larger or the nodes hadn't been clear my treatment would be the ACTH. 

Chemo will start on June 25. 

When we walked through the door after the appointments on Wednesday the boys greated us with, "Did they take them out?" I pulled my shirt up to show them that the tubes were indeed gone. They both cheered enthusiastically and for the first time in almost two weeks I got to fully hug my kids. 

Something I hope to be doing for many, many, many years to come. 

A Carpenter's Dream

Warning, There are post surgical pictures in this post. 

Surgery went great. 

Even my pre-op anxiety wasn’t as horrible is it normally can be. Most likely because I talked about it...to everyone! 

The morning was a little insane. We left the house late, hit traffic and arrived at the hospital late. So late, in fact, that registration called to make sure I was on the way 🤦‍♀️ 

After they took me into the pre-op room, I got changed, threw out my bra and they took my vitals. The doctor came in to see me, review what was going to be done and answer questions. Then I waited for about an hour to go to nuclear medicine to get injections in the cancer boob so they knew where the sentinel nodes were. 

The trip from pre-op to nuke med was interesting. Nuke med is in the old building of the hospital and pre-op is in the new wing. I was literally wheeled down main hallways. Never one to miss an opportunity, I was waving at people like I was in a parade. 

I’d be lying if I said the injections didn’t hurt like hell. My doctor said they shouldn’t be bad, other cancer patients said to prepare for the pain. Glad I was prepared! 

By now I was winding up and could feel it so when the “Happy Juice Guy” aka anesthesiologist came in I asked for something. They gave me a little Ativan to help me relax. It worked. 

Next thing I knew I was I’m my room waking up. I got to see Glenn before he went home to be with the boys. 

In addition to the nuke med that lit up my nodes, my breasts were injected with a blue dye so they knew where all the tissue was that needed to be removed. We were told that the dye would make my pee blue and they were not kidding!! 

I am the consumate boy mom who appreciates a good "Wooooow!" moment. After I peed the first time that night I had the nurse give me my phone so I could take a picture of it. Seriously, it was way darker than I anticipated. I sent the picture to Glenn and the boys and we all had a great laugh. 

The rest of the night was uneventful, I got some good sleep and my doctor even had to wake me up the next morning when she came in to check me out. 

A hematoma had developed on the right side so she had to press on the skin to move the fluid to the drain tube. Fun fact: when they cut off the boobs they take the nerves so, although she had to push on my chest, I could only feel pressure not pain! 

I was discharged that afternoon and headed home to relax. 

On the way out I was being wheeled past the nurses station and one of them said, "You need to wave on he way out, you waved on the way in." 

I can totally see myself doing that...So I waved good-bye. 

Since I opted to not have reconstruction I do not have expanders in my chest. Pain is minimal and controlled with just Acetaminophen (Tylenol). 

The drains...Ugh! 

I know these things are necessary but man are they a pain in the ass! 

The tubes come out just below where the bottom of my breast was and the tube wraps up into the skin area in a big circle. The part of the drain that is under the skin is perforated to allow the fluids to drain into the bulb (referred to a grenade at the nurses station :) and the tube is so much longer than I thought it would be! 

There is a plug at the top of the bulb that I open to empty out the fluid into a measuring cup so I can record the amounts and then the bulb gets squeezed before the plug is put back in. Doing this creates a suction that draws the fluid out of my body. 

As heal I form clots that are a total pain to remove from the lines. Sometimes they move themselves sometimes they don't. 

The compression bra they gave me was too tight. The band around the bottom had to be cut so that it wouldn't dig into my skin and some jackass decided that since it's a bra it had to have lace around the edges.

Seriously...Lace? WTF?!  On a good day lace can cause chaffing. Why the hell would someone put it on a post-surgical garment?! No doubt someone that has never had this particular surgery and didn't have to be in the thing 24/7. 

The other added benefit of the lace is that it gets stuck in the velcro. Because, you know, when you have tubes hanging out of your body AND limited arm motion you want to have to detangle the lace from the velcro at the top of the already uncomfortable bra! 

Anyway...

This is how the drain looks under my skin on the left side of my chest. 

There is some bruising (remember no nerves, no pain), which is to be expected but the incisions are amazing! I am so happy with the way everything looks. As the fluid decreases things are flattening out. 

One friend even told me I'm his "favorite 2x4"...

Flat as a board! 

OMGness! I am so glad I wasn't drinking when I got that text or I would have spewed magic bean water out of my nose. 

Mom told my that makes me a Carpenter's Dream! LOL

I wish I could say that the worst is over but unfortunately that is not the truth. Sadly, having my boobs cut off was the easy part. 

Chemo looms on the horizon. 

I will most likely feel sick and lose my hair. They will give me anti-nausea meds to help with the tummy issues but, I gotta tell you, the thought of a summer without the need to shave is a bit exciting. 'Cause you know that you don't just lose the hair on the head...

Yeah...NO BIKINI RAZOR RASH!!! 

Talk about a silver lining!

If I look hard enough there is always something good. 

What's been the best part of this so far? 

Love.

So many people have sent encouraging messages, prayers, gifts, flowers and have jumped in to help us out. We don't have to worry about food for weeks, the kids transportation is arranged and nurse friends have come over to check out my incisions and drain tube areas to make sure that everything is ok and there are no infections. 

As a result of all the prayers, love and support we've received I've been able to heal at a very rapid rate. 

We are blessed. 

Almost Time

Tomorrow is the big day. 

I’m very excited to get this behind me  

There is an otherworldly stress that comes with knowing that cancer is growing side your body as you wait for surgery. 

It’s not like it stops growing once the biopsy results come in. 

Cancer is the nastiest bitch. It does what it wants, when it wants and how it wants. 

I’m also interested in finding out how much they weigh. LOL. 

All my life I’ve had small boobies until menopause. Yup, they didn’t exactly grow I just gained menopause weight and they got bigger. 

Add in stress eating prior to surgery and I’m the largest I’ve ever been. I was going to try to get things under control before surgery but that stressed me out too. 

Something had to give so I just said screw it and ate what I wanted. 

I imagine that this week I won’t have much of an appetite so it’ll be a bit easier to get back on track. 

Last night friends and family joined me for a Boob Voyage party. 

Yes you read that correctly!!! 

What a blast!!! 

Seriously so very much fun. 

Thank you to everyone who came out to celebrate the start of the next chapter of my life. You have carried me for a month and a half and I can’t thank you enough. 

To those who have been praying, texting, sending cards, gifts and flowers. Your efforts mean the world to me. I have special and beautiful things that will keep me going when the days get dark. That brings a peace that cannot be described. 

To Jennifer thank you, thank you, thank you!!! Your decorations made my party unforgettable. 

I’m still laughing. 

Sucky Day

Today was an emotional roller coaster day and for no reason other than it just sucked. 

One minute I was ready to cry, the next I was ready to slap someone and then I'd be laughing about something. 

For. No. Reason! 

Well other than my whole world is going to change in six days. Yeah, that might have something to do with it. 

As if the roller coaster wasn't bad enough I was instructed by someone who meant well but told me to, "take a deep breath and count to 10." Really?! 

W. T. F?!?! 

This is not a patience thing. This is a massive body altering operation followed by chemo, which we all know sucks. I don't need patience I needed someone to say, "I'm so sorry. Days like this really do suck." 

Take a breath?! 

So I completely came unglued on the person. 

I then called them back to apologize and explain that in the future if you catch me in a mood like that giving me advice about calming down is the WORST thing a person could do. What I need in that moment is to be validated. 

As God is my witness, she replied with, "Well I do validate your feelings...but you do need to step back and take a breath." 

I hung up. 

I don't need advice. I didn't call for advice. I don't want advice. 

I needed a sounding board. I needed understanding. I needed someone who would take my mind off this mess and make me laugh. Change the subject. Talk about something stupid. Something menial whatever...just don't lecture. 

Yes, I am strong. Yes, I'm a fighter. Yes, I will get through this. 

Doesn't mean that I'm happy about it or that it will be a walk in the park. I do my best to stay in the here and now but sometimes what's coming pokes his head into my life to remind me that dark days are coming. 

Imagine being at the beach with a beautiful blue sky listening to the waves crash on the shore and a rain cloud suddenly comes over you and only you. Then it goes away, and comes back repeatedly. That was how I felt today. 

No amount of breathing made me feel better. And, well, I had to do it all day to stay alive. 

Having other cancer patients/survivors tell me they know how I feel made me feel better. 

Having people make me laugh makes the biggest impact! 

A friend messaged me today to see how I was and I replied, "It's an angry day. Some days are happy but today I just want to slap someone."

Later on when I left the shop to pick up the boys from school I got in my car, put the key in the ignition to start the car and found this on my windshield. 

Oh how I love my friends. 

Keep me laughing gang.