A Fighting Chance

My niece got married last weekend. She was supposed to have gotten married in 2020 but the world shut down on their original wedding date!  

Two reschedules later, they are finally husband and wife! 

It was an unbelievable wedding with lots of laughs, a few tears, great speeches and...

I danced!!!

It's been ages since I danced. 

Like, REALLY danced. 

I led a freaking conga line through a ballroom! 

My feet still hurt and so does my chest (a little) but...

I. Don't. Care!!! 

Chemo looms on my horizon. 

I overdid it knowing that it was going to be my last opportunity to do so for a while. 

Unfortunatley, I spent Sunday in bed because the armpit where they removed the nodes hurt like hell. 

The worst part was that we had to postpone our Father's Day canoe trip. Canoe trips are a family favorite and I was really looking forward to it. But, between the pain and not getting any sleep because of the pain it was just not a good idea. 

Fortunately, I am the type of person who does actually listen to my body and backs off when things get rough. 

I didn't used to be that person. 

I have overdone it physically many, many times in my life and have the knees, ankles and arthritis to prove it. 

But I have matured, well, actually my body has matured and no longer allows me to be a dumbass who doesn't know when to stop. 

However, this does not matter to some people who feel it necessary to give me useless advice. 

If one more person tells me to take care of myself I may throat punch them. 

Aaaaaaaaaaaaargh!!!! 

Yes, I know it's important. 

I'm not a moron. 

I'm also a business owner, business partner, boss, manager, marketing director, mom, wife, homeowner, chief cook and bottle washer. 

The hats I wear are many. 

Self-care is a hot cup of coffee and a game of on-line cribbage. 

While people mean well, they need to respect where a person is in their life. Unsolicited advice right now is rarely welcome. 

I appreciate the people who ask if I need help, not the people who tell me I should get some.

Don't tell me to relax, breathe or calm down. 

When I am wound up and having a crappy day I need people who can commiserate or just listen. Having someone say, "I have no idea how you feel but I'm here if you need to vent" means the world to me. 

I appreciate their honesty and their willingness to be with me in the moment. 

They don't offer advice, tell me how to feel or try to fix anything. They just listen! 

Speaking of fixing things...

The engine in the 2017 Ford escape has been replaced. Ford covered most of the parts. While we are very grateful to Ford for their assistance, we still should not have had to replace an engine at 84,400 miles! 

It runs well and everything is good except the passenger side windshield wiper now hits the "A" pillar and makes a tapping sound every time it swipes. 

So annoying! 

I only noticed because, after going through the carwash and cleaning the inside of the car for two hours, it rained. 

Never fails! 

Today I had an echocardiogram and had more lab work done. I'll be happy when the port is installed and I can stop being a pin cushion! 

The port will be installed on Thursday morning. Chemo starts Friday and will be every week for 12 weeks. 

Reactions to the drugs are an unknown as I fortunately, have never had them before. 

The unknowns bother me more than anything else. 

I might be sick, but I might not. 

I might lose my hair, but I might not. 

I might have neuropathy, but I might not. 

I try to not spend a lot of time thinking about that stuff. 

It's a massive rabbit hole of "what ifs" that I don't want to go down. Instead, I choose to bury myself in the technical stuff. 

I like to understand the treatments and the research/reasoning behind them. 

I will be receiving Taxol and Herceptin. 

"Taxol, originally extracted from the bark of the Pacific yew tree, is one of the mostly commonly used drugs against solid tumors, and is a front-line drug for treating ovarian and advanced breast cancer. The drug is known to bind to microtubules and essentially freeze them in place, which prevents them from separating the chromosomes when a cell divides. This kills dividing cells, in particular cancer cells, which are known for rapid proliferation." Berkeley News

"Herceptin works by attaching itself to the HER2 receptors on the surface of breast cancer cells and blocking them from receiving growth signals. By blocking the signals, Herceptin can slow or stop the growth of the breast cancer. Herceptin is an example of an immune targeted therapy. In addition to blocking HER2 receptors, Herceptin can also help fight breast cancer by alerting the immune system to destroy cancer cells onto which it is attached." Breastcancer.org

Although they do not know which side effect I will succumb to, they do know that these two drugs can give me many, many more years to come. 

According to the National Cancer Institute, $590 million dollars is invested in breast cancer research annually. 

I am am grateful for each an everyone of those dollars for myself, my sister, my mother, my aunt, countless friends and any other woman who will hear that they have breast cancer. 

Because of the preventative/diagnostic measures that have come from that reseach, we have a fighting chance today. 

While it is not a sorority I ever wanted to pledge, I am proud to be a pink ribbon sister with some of the most amazing warriors on the planet.