Boob Fat & Incompetence

When I had the mastectomy this summer there was boob fat left behind and my scars had become wrinkly. 

The boob fat was the worst of it. 

I don't mind being flat. Really, I truly don't care, but I was very self-conscious of the way my chest looked with those odd horizontal bumps. 

So, last week I had surgery scheduled to remove the last of the boob fat and smooth out the scars. 

The incisions on my chest don't hurt at all. I lost those nerves when they cut off the boobs but the plastic surgeon had to make incisions below my armpits to tighten the area and those do hurt!

It's nothing some Acetaminophen can't handle, but it is annoying. 

Prepping for the surgery was well, interesting. It was the usual nothing to eat aftermidnight but, I had to have a pre-surgery covid test. 

I booked an appointment online with CVS. 

Monday afternoon I arrived at the CVS drive thru window where they had a sign that said, "If you are here for a Covid test, please wear a mask." 

Oh good, so if I was there for, oh I don't know...a script for smallpox I didn't need a mask. Whew! 

Anyway...

I didn't have a mask with me because I never planned to leave the car. Per the instructions on my appointment confirmation I rolled up to the window with my ID and Health Insurance Card out. The girl at the window, who was still wearing the same dirty gloves that she'd been touching money with asked if I was there for a test. I replied yes, she freaked out screamed, "DO YOU HAVE A MASK?!" I explained that I did not and that I was only there because I was having surgery. She paused half a beat and asked if she could give me a mask. All while using her dirty gloves to reposition her own mask. 

I replied yes and she headed across the pharmacy to fine one. By the time she returned she'd touched her mask, with the same gross gloves, no less than six times. Using the same disgusting gloves she handed me a mask, which I put on but left at my chin (she never noticed) while I listened to her directions on how to stuff a q-tip up my nose. 

I completed the test, packed it in the bag she gave me and put it in the box that everyone else had touched. 

Yeah, that part made my skin crawl. You can bet I was using the hand sanitizer before rolling away. 

The next day I received a text from CVS saying they couldn't complete my test and gave me an 800# to call. 

I called and the woman who answered the call told me the same thing the text said followed by, you'll have to make a new appointment. 

When I asked why the test couldn't be done she replied, "I don't know."

Wait, what? 

"I got a text that said the test couldn't be completed and to call this number. If you can't tell me why and I need to go online to make another appointment, what the hell was the point of the text? Why did it say to call you? What EXACTLY was the point of this phone call?!" 

She took so long to reply that I thought she'd hung up. 

She checked my chart and there were no notes. 

I thanked her form wasting my time and hung up.

Later that night I got a voicemail from CVS stating that there had been a labeling issue. Ok, someone in the lab screwed up. I make mistakes too. I get it. At least now I had a reason. 

The following day I got a call from the Hospital saying that I needed to come in for a pre-surgery Covid test. (They'd previously told me that I had to take care of it myself, hence the CVS appointment.) So, I booked the appointment for the following morning. 

Wednesday morning I hopped in the 22 year old chevy that I'm still driving because the four year old Ford still is not running and drove to the hospital for yet another q-tip up the nose. 

On the way home CVS called again to tell me that there was not enough sample on the swab to test for covid and that I needed to make a new appointment. 

Oh for heaven's sake?! 

Does anyone know what they are doing? 

I swear if I was giving out medals for incompetence, between a pharmacy technician who has zero knowledge of cross-contamination and people who evidently don't know the difference between a label and a q-tip, CVS would win! 

By the way, I was negative and surgery went really well. 

 The past two weeks have tried my patience beyond all other experiences this year. 

Between the medical bills and the car situation it's a wonder that I haven't pulled out what little hair I have! 

Last week alone I spent seven hours on the phone dealing with the medical crap plus another three dealing with the vehicle situation. 

I had no idea that I had a spare 10 hours in the week. 

Who knew?! 

I have also cried more in the past two weeks than I did through my whole cancer diagnosis and treatment. 

When I am frustrated beyond words I cry then shut down from depression as the walls close in. They closed in hard and fast and I was despondent. 

Well, until I hit that stupid deer. 

Anyway...

After receiving the quote from the dealership that was astronomically high, I called some independent transmission shops and got quotes. The best was with a guy who has rebuilt 15 of the same transmissions this year. His price was $3,800 worst case scenario including parts. This was nearly $2K less than the dealership quoted us. Even if the Ford corporation paid for parts, our out of pocket expense was going to be more than the whole fix with an independent. 

I called the dealership to tell them that the vehicle was going to be towed out and see if we owed them anything. 

In true dealership fashion, I was told that they service manager had to speak to his boss but he wanted to see if he could match the price. 

He called me the next morning and, after confirming the independent shop was going to use Ford parts, asked if they could do the job if they matched the price. I told them yes, as long as they would guarantee that it wouldn't cost more than $3,800. 

They said yes. 

I'd won...sort of. 

Since the Ford garage is going to do the job there is still a chance that the coporation will pay for part of the repairs and our out of pocket expense will go down. We'll see. 

I freaking hate this BS. 

I've had a LOT of jobs in my lifetime. Not the least of which was working in the service department in  dealerships. 

I know the game. I play the game well. I hate the game. 

And, I despise feeling as if I was being screwed. 

We were definitely getting screwed. 

When I called my hubby to tell him what had transpired he thanked me and told me I was amazing. He doesn't have the temperament to deal with stuff like this. We each have our strengths. This is totally one of  mine. 

I hate having to do it but am grateful for the experience that gives me the know-how to get it done. 

It'll all work out, let's face it, it always does but man this has sucked. 

Medically, I have no knews on the copay situation. I will definitely keep you posted on that though. 

Good Luck Or Bad Luck?

The car was towed to the dealership on Monday. They have confirmed that the torque converter is what failed.  Ford Corporation has a call into the service manager to get a quote and will call me back with an "offer." 

Praying that it's reasonable. 

Now, on to the medical, I was wrong when I posted that we had a family deductible of $8,150. 

It's so much worse! 

My out of pocket individual amount is $8,150. The family deductible is $16,300. 

So much more affordable Than the old $500 deductibles right?! 

We are not even halfway to fullfilling the family deductible and I still haven't met the individual. The policy rolls over on December 1 and we start over. 

I spoke with the social worker at my Oncologist's office and she is submitting my name for every grant for which I am eligible. I also spoke to the Patient Financial Advocate who is submitting me for a copay assistance program through the makers of Kanjinti which is the generic form of Herceptin. I've been receiving it all along but everyone still calls it Herceptin. If I am approved for the copay program my bill to Penn Medicine could go away or at least be cut in half and my future copays for the rest of the treatments until June 2022 could be covered as well. 

We still have other outstanding medical expenses for CT scans, a bone scan, echocardiogram etc. but if we can get the other stuff covered we will be much better off. 

But wait there's more! 

Additionally, someone annonymously paid for David's gymnastics tuition for December and another has covered his fees for his first meet. Someone else has sent money that we can use for the rest of the medical bills that won't be covered by the grant or copay assistance program. And, another friend is bringing us dinner this weekend! 

The light at the end of the tunnel is bright thanks to the generosity of so many people. I look forward to the day that we are in a position to help others the way we have been helped. 

The deer situation still has us shaking our heads in disbelief. 

While I am still suffering a bit of an emotional hangover from everything we have endured for the past week and a half, my sense of humor has been fully restored. 

One of the things I'm still laughing about happened while I was talking with the police on Wednesday night. 

After I had put in the call to 911, I called the parents of the boy we were driving home. His mom didn't
answer so I called his dad and explained what happened. A short time later, as the police officer was explaining the report, the mom called back. 

I looked at the phone and said, "Hey it's your mom, can you answer, tell her what happened an that we're ok?"

I turned back to the officer and tried to pay attention to what he was saying but was distracted by the following conversation on our end of the phone: 

"Hello?"

"No, it's Lukas."

"Yes, but she's talking to the police." 

"Oh my gosh, give me the phone!!!!" I screamed. 

The officer stood at the driver's door laughing while I calmed the mom on the phone. 

Kid's!

I have become poster child for the saying, "If it weren't for back luck, I wouldn't have any luck at all." 

An expression I used to hate but get it now, because I am living it. 

I only pray that my string of bad luck has come to an end. 

Oh Deer!

I spent the day answering text messages (sorry if I didn't call anyone back), filling out cancer patient grant applications, another ridiculously long call with BCBS and attempting to get some work accomplished. 

My brain is all over the place and it's hard to concentrate.

To be honest, I wasn't going to publish that post from yesterday because it was so heavy but I changed my mind and put it out there. 

I am so glad that I did. 

So many of you have shared your own personal stories, while others offered financial assistance. Everyone's words of encouragement and reference to scripture have lifted me up. 

I am so grateful for you all. 

One friend even let us borrow his truck for as long as we need! It's a 1999 Chevy 1500 pick up with about a million miles on it but it is reliable. 

He told us not to wash it because the rust is holding it together and one of the buttons on the radio fell off and is in the cab of the truck so I'm not allowed to clean it for fear I'll vacuum it up! 

How ironic is it that we're driving a 21 year old Chevy while our four year old Ford is in need of a transmission?

One the way to gymnastics to pick up David and his teammate tonight I got a call from Helen's Angels telling me that I was being awarded a $500 grant for cancer patients to help with medical costs! 

I cried happy tears. 

For the first time in days I was felt hopeful. 

Thirty minutes later, I hit a deer. 

Yup. 

Seriously. I can't make this up. 

I didn't kill it. 

I thought the police were going to have to put it down but, while I was on the phone with 911, it got up and limped into the woods. 

There I was on the side of the road, watching an 8-point buck leave the scene of the accident and I started to laugh. 

Like, really laugh. 

I'm a child of the 80s. Guess what movie scene popped into my head? 

Tom Hanks and Shelley Long in The Money Pit. Specifically, the bathtub scene. 

When the officer arrived he asked how I was. I replied, "Never better. How are you?" He laughed.

Astoudingly, the damage to the truck is minimal and no one inside the truck was harmed beyond the shock of running into a deer. 

I called the parents of the boy we carpool with, the guy who owns the truck and my hubby. 

Everyone was concerned for our safety but the hubby had the best reaction. "Are you f-ing kidding me?" I replied, "Right?! You just can't make this up." 

I told him that I had to get David's teammate home. He told me to be careful and once I'm home lock myself in and never go anywhere again. 

When I called my mom she had basically the same reaction I did. She laughed then we laughed together. 

I guess this year is just my crap year. 

Hopefully I will live a very, very long time and look back at this year and laugh.  

Tapped

Having to replace the HVAC system in your house would be a major event. 

Having to replace the engine in a four year old v2017 Ford Escape would be a major event. 

Having to replace the transmission in the same vehicle would be a major event. 

Being diagnosed with cancer and spending the next eight months in endless doctor appointments, chemo and preventative surgeries would be major and life altering. 

Welcome to our 2021. 

To describe this year as hell would be an understatement. 

It has been difficult beyond words. 

Any of those events could throw a person or family for a loop but pile on all four in seven months and I'm tapped. 

Please understand that I AM NOT SUICIDAL but I'd be lying if I said that the thought of, "I want to go to sleep and not have to wake up" hadn't crossed my mind.  

Especially this week. 

I've done everything I could possibly do this year to laugh. To find the weird or humorous in a bad situation. I've made the best of things that have no "best" beyond being alive. 

I can't find the humor in this. There is no weird, funny, strange etc. 

I'm on a roller coaster of depression and anger. 

I'm either crying or seriously pissed off and deperately trying not to scream at everyone around me. 

People ask me how I am and I can't smile. 

My face reads like a book. I can't hide my feelings.

I've cried more this past week than I did the whole time I was going through the cancer treatment.

Aaaaaaaand... now the medical bills are rolling in. 

I spent three hours on various phone calls today between Penn Medicine and Blue Cross. 

I learned today that my chemotherapy, which is delivered via infusion, is billed as both an infusion therapy and as chemotherapy. I'd been paying our $80 copay (yes, you read that correctly) at each appointment only to learn today that that only applies to the oncologist not the infusion/chemo. 

They are billing the infusion and chemo as separate services despite being concurrent and each has an $80 copay. This means that each oncologist/chemo appointment is a $240 out of pocket expense. 

Now, multiply that by 12 and that is my out of pocket expense just for the chemo. That doesn't include the thousands of dollars that I'm being billed for the necessary tests presurgery or the echocardiograms that I have to have multiple times a year. 

Additionally, every three weeks I go back for Herceptin infusions. I will continue that until June 2022. I will have to pay the $80 copay to my Oncologist and another $80 copay for the infusion. So that's another $160 every three weeks. 

I guess now would be a good time to say that our family deductible is $8,600. 

Thanks Obama. Our insurance is much more affordable that the old $500 deductible and $25 copays. We're so much better off. Asshole. 

Falling asleep has always been tough for me but now it's filled with anxiety because I'm afraid to wake up. 

I'm waiting for the final shoe to drop and break me completely. 

At least my antidepressants and my Ambien are covered.