My Nature

This might come as a surprise but...

I'm A LOT!

Just a lot of, well, everything.  

I do everything at full-speed and 100%. 

Except the laundry. 

I hate the laundry. 

I really, really hate it. 

But I digress...

I put 100% into everything I do. Could be knitting, painting, cake, business, friendships, love life, motherhood...whatever. I push myself all the time. 

I don't just accept a challenge, I tackle it. 

I'm a fighter and I always get back up. 

I just can't stay down. 

When I was diagnosed with cancer there was only one way for me to handle it. The same way I handle everything else: full steam ahead, gloves up, no hesitation. 

From lump to chemo, I knew I would fight. I was not going to let that bitch win!

I've been competitive my entire life, I hate to be doubted and I love to prove people wrong!

My mom knew this and used to tell my swim coaches that the best way to motivate me was to tell me they didn't think I could do something. 

That was how I set the 50M butterfly record in high school and the diving record in college. 

I come from a family who works hard, doesn't give up and doesn't shy away from confrontation. 

I was raised by very strong-minded people, but it's also my nature. 

Dictionary.com defines nature as: the basic or inherent features of something especially when seen as characteristic of it. 

I think that Aesop demonstrated nature best in the fable The Scorpion and the Frog: 

Drawing by Michael Morgenstern

A scorpion and a frog meet on the bank of a stream and the scorpion asks the frog to carry him across on its back. The frog asks, "How do I know you won't sting me?" The scorpion says, "Because if I do, I will die too." 

The frog is satisfied, and they set out, but in midstream, the scorpion stings the frog. The frog feels the onset of paralysis and starts to sink, knowing they both will drown, but has just enough time to gasp, "Why?

Replies the scorpion: "Its my nature..." 

Many times in my life, I have cut my nose off to spite my face because I speak my mind. 

One of the things I also do 100% is talk...even when I know I shouldn't. 

It's my nature. 

But, my nature keeps me from quitting...I just don't.  

While it is my nature, my drive also comes from my parents. Dad was a sailor. In all the years we sailed I think we dropped out of two races. One was because we hit something and ripped the rudder off the stern of the boat and the other was total lack of wind, the crew was threatening mutiny and a keg party awaited us. 

Dad was a smart man who knew when to cut his losses! 

While we were never a horse family, the philosophy of "getting back on the horse" was practiced. Failure wasn't really a failure unless you gave up trying.

When I was in high school I was practicing for the summer Tri-County diving championships and was temporarily distracted...in mid air...and landed flat on my back in the water...in front of everyone!  

I was crying hysterically, was going to give up and go home but mom wouldn't let me. Through gritted teeth she told me to stop whining and get back on the board. 

Yeah, my back hurt...like hell actually...but my pride was hurt worse and the only way to get over that was to get back up there and show it who's boss! 

I did get back on the board, I did execute the perfect dive and I did win Tri-County that year! 

Everyone will fall down and make mistakes and everyone will fail at some point in their lives. Life is not a cake-walk. It's hard, messy and can be painful.

When I was a kid if I said something wasn't fair dad would always reply, "No one ever said life was fair." 

He was right. It's not. 

But, it can be filled with a myriad of blessings and lessons that will make us better and stronger. 

You can live in the negative or you can see the opportunity. 

Your choice. 

Failing at something is different from being a failure. 

Failing is an opportunity to improve and correct, failure is a mindset. 

Failure, to me, is the equivalent of being a victim. 

I am not a cancer victim, I am in the process of becoming a cancer survivor. 

There is a difference. 

Besides, it's my nature. 

Sharing My Experience

Every three weeks I go to the infusion center for my Herceptin. 

What is Herceptin? 

Herceptin (chemical name: trastuzumab) is a HER2 inhibitor targeted therapy. Herceptin works against HER2-positive breast cancers by blocking the ability of the cancer cells to receive chemical signals that tell the cells to grow. Breastcancer.org.

I don't actually get Herceptin, I get another drug called Kanjinti that is chemically similar and achieves the same result...and they have a copay assistance program which is a huge help financially. 

There is no denying that I am weird, crazy, insane...whatever, but I really do look forward to going to infusions. 

Even when I was getting chemo I looked forward to being there. The staff, nurses and doctors are some of the nicest poeple on the face of the earth. The aftermath of chemo was tough but the people are amazing. 

In anticipation of losing my hair, friends sent me fun hats to wear and I have continued to wear hats or outfits throughout the additional treatments. 

The staff has told me that get excited when they see my name on the roster! They even talk about what they think I'm going to do.

The infusion I had in March was the Friday before St. Patrick's day. I decided it was close enough to roll with that as a theme. . 

I found a really fun headband that blinked and a shirt that said, "Who Needs Luck, I have Charm"

As I was getting into my car I caught my reflection in the rearview mirror, giggled and thought, "I love my life." 

And I do. I really do. 

Looking back at this past year one would questions my sanity. 

Seriously, it's been one shit sandwich after another but...I'm alive! 

I have so much to be grateful for! 

I have a loving hubby, two amazing boys, two incredible businesses, an amazing business partner, and incredible assistant and wonderful, loving friends. I'm on the downhill side of becoming a cancer survivor, I've met some of the most amazing people you can imagine and I have been able to make people laugh in the midst of the turmoil that is cancer treatment. 

Yes, I am blessed. 

I get to make people laugh. 

I look forward to those laughs. 

Working on outfits and themes gave me a purpose during chemo. I was able to focus on how I could be funny instead of feeling miserable. 

And now, I can be a guide for others who are starting on the path. 

I don't have answers but I do have experience that I can share. 

I recently went to see a friend who is going through chemo for ovarian cancer. Her chemo is a different cocktail than mine was but the acid reflux and nausea that it induces is the same. She had been eating Tums to no avail. I brought her a baggie of Gaviscon chewables and told her to take Nexium (after she'd checked with a pharmacist) because it had worked wonders on me. 

Guess what? It works for her too! The Gaviscon is a game changer. That stuff is a miracle in a chewable! 

We sat and talked a just bitched about the ravages of chemo on our bodies and the irritation of chemo brain - it's real people!

I was able to commiserate as I'd "been there done that" already and my experience was close enough to offer hope that this too shall pass and she can get on with life. 

I also gave her a super fun shirt. When she pulled it out of the little gift baggy I had stuffed it into she laughed. 

Making her laugh made my heart happy!