Purpose

I never imagined that I'd end up in a position where I would need a Medical ID/Warning bracelet...

But, here I am. 

Did you know that once lymph nodes have been removed from an armpit that arm can never be used for blood pressure, IVs, injections etc? 

Why? 

It could cause Lymphedema. 

Yeah, I didn't know what that was either. 

According to the Mayo Clinic: "Lymphedema refers to tissue swelling caused by an accumulation of protein-rich fluid that's usually drained through the body's lymphatic system. It most commonly affects the arms or legs, but can also occur in the chest wall, abdomen, neck and genitals.

Lymph nodes are an important part of your lymphatic system. Lymphedema can be caused by cancer treatments that remove or damage your lymph nodes. Any type of problem that blocks the drainage of lymph fluid can cause lymphedema."

Anyone can develop lymphedema but the likelihood of it happening to a cancer patient who has had nodes removed is much greater. 

I knew when I went in for treatments to make sure they don't take blood pressure on my right side and I can't have blood work done there either but it never dawned on me that I should get a bracelet until I was told about a post in my support group but my chemo buddy Christina. 

What if something happened and I wasn't conscious to tell the professionals not to touch my right arm?! 

I went to a Bove Jewelers in Kennett Square, PA, looked through the catalog, found a bracelet I'd be comfortable wearing and placed the order. 

It arrived last week and looks great! 

The front says Lymphedema. On the back it says, "No blood test, blood pressure, no IV or injections in this arm"

When I asked what I owed, the owner Bob Strehlau looked at me and said, "You've been through enough, it's our gift to you." 

I cried and hugged him. What a beautiful and generous gift! 

The past 11 months of our lives have been insane. I'm looking forward to the day they become a distant memory. That being said I have made some new friends, tightened bonds with others and have learned that there are few things that I value more than prayer. 

I don't talk about my relationship with Jesus much because I struggle with putting my feelings into words. 

There is an idescribable level of peace that comes with knowing that God has a greater purpose for our struggles than just making us struggle. 

Few things grow in complacency.

The times in my life where I have grown the most were some of the most difficult ones. At the time it was horrible, looking back it was necessary. 

Whether it was my own health or my husband's, there were many people who called to pray with me over the phone and we had prayer teams around the country praying for his recovery. 

A few years ago, during a sermon, pastor Johnny said, "People always say the God doesn’t give us more than we can handle but that is wrong.  God purposely gives us more than we can handle so that people turn to him."   

I can’t say that I know the exact purpose for Glenn to get hit so hard with covid but, while Glenn was fighting for his life, friends who are declared agnostics and atheists started praying. People who’d walked away from churches for a variety of reasons were praying. Not just to a “higher power” but to our Lord. 

People were united in one purpose, praying to one God. 

Our God. 

Beauty from ashes. 

I am grateful to God for saving my hubby. I am grateful that this experience pricked the heart’s of those who had turned away and they are turning back. 

And, I will forever be grateful to everyone for lifting us up in prayer. 

There is a profound level of peace in knowing that even when we felt like we couldn’t go on we were being carried by others. 

Nails and Blessings

Chemo is over but the side effects aren't. 

Predominantly my nails. Both toes and fingers. 

I have almost no big toenails, I am losing two more toenails on my left foot and my fingernails hurt like hell. 

Have you ever bent your fingernails backwards? Yeah, me too. That's what all 10 of my fingers feel like at once. Fortunately, my thumbs hurt the least. And, maybe because I am right-handed, my right hand is the worst. 

Because I can be compassionate sometimes, I will not be posting pictures of this. It's disgusting even for me. 

The nosebleeds are lessening, my tummy issues are gone and my hair is beginning to grow back. 

Not that I would ever want to go through this again but, it's been really nice to not have to shave my legs or my armpits at all this summer! 

Finally, a perk of chemo that I can say is really good. 

I am getting stronger everyday and have even returned to the store to work a few days a week. 

It's been so nice to be back. 

Months ago, as the start of chemo neared, I messaged a bunch of friends asking if they could commit to playdates so our kids' summer wasn't just about mom being sick. 

They delivered! 

I owe a huge debt of gratitude to all our friends who arranged to have the boys over for swim and play dates this summer. One of our friends even went with me to the creek to watch the kids while I slept on a blanket. 

People brought us meals, presents and offered to drive the kids to their activities. Friends dropped cards in the mail to make me laugh of show their support. I am so grateful to each and everyone of you. 

Most of the time, hairloss aside, I didn't look sick. 

Just a bald chick with a really weird sense of humor. Something, thankfully, I was able to retain. 

The steroids made me gain weight so I didn't have that "ematiated cancer patient" look that we all know. 

The chemo I had wasn't as bad as others. It was only near the end that things began to taste weird and didn't want to eat or had absolutely no energy. The steroids actually made me gain weight. 

I'm a little pissed to be honest. I mean come on...If I had to go through this couldn't I have at least lost weight?! 

I am no Wonderwoman but normally, I am a pretty strong person who has an excessive amount of energy. 

As one who never shies from tackling a task, it was horrible to be in a position where I couldn't function. But, with a hubby who travels a lot for work, there were many days that I didn't have a choice but to push through and do what needed to be done. 

Those days I thanked God for my resilience, drive and Domino's delivery. 

Unfortunately, the downside to being a really strong person is that people don't realize how bad it has to be if we have to ask for help. 

When my energy meter ran out these last three months, it wasn't a matter of "a quick power nap" it was, "I'm going to bed and I don't know when I'll be able to get up."

Truly, chemo is no joke. 

If I had to ask for help it was because I had no choice. 

The ladies who work for me are incredible. They handled everything for me. Literally, everything, with the business. I rarely had to ask them for help. Most days I would just look at them and say, "I have to go to bed." They'd smile and say, "Sweet dreams." 

I could rest and recouperate without worry. 

That being said, I owe an excessively massive shout out to Jace! 

The week after my double mastectomy, two of my employees were stuck at home with Covid scares awaiting test results. (They were negative by the way). 

Jace single-handedly took care of all the orders, replied to emails and made the deliveries. It was a rough week and she carried all of us. 

She is the consumate professional who understands that a job needs to get done no matter what. She can buckle down and push out work like no one else I know. 

And she is largely unflappable. Honestly, I wish I had her composure! 

My business partner is amazing. She handled the store...every day for more than three months. 

Once the chemo started we never knew when I was going to need to sleep which made working outside of my house was out of the question. I had friends and employees who helped out but Ashley did the rest...all of it.

Classes, parties, orders, stock, bills, events ALL OF IT! 

I may be high energy but I think she is super human. 

I am blessed. 

Blessed is the word that rings through my brain repeatedly. 

I am blessed by the love of family, friends, employees, business partner and community. 

This whole experience could have been worse, but we have been carried every step of the way.

I was at the coffee shop in town this morning ordering my favorite latte, happy just to be there, when I looked at the chalkboard with their Bible verse on it and wow, did it hit home: 

Yes, thank God!