Chemo is over but the side effects aren't.
Predominantly my nails. Both toes and fingers.
I have almost no big toenails, I am losing two more toenails on my left foot and my fingernails hurt like hell.
Have you ever bent your fingernails backwards? Yeah, me too. That's what all 10 of my fingers feel like at once. Fortunately, my thumbs hurt the least. And, maybe because I am right-handed, my right hand is the worst.
Because I can be compassionate sometimes, I will not be posting pictures of this. It's disgusting even for me.
The nosebleeds are lessening, my tummy issues are gone and my hair is beginning to grow back.
Not that I would ever want to go through this again but, it's been really nice to not have to shave my legs or my armpits at all this summer!
Finally, a perk of chemo that I can say is really good.
I am getting stronger everyday and have even returned to the store to work a few days a week.
It's been so nice to be back.
Months ago, as the start of chemo neared, I messaged a bunch of friends asking if they could commit to playdates so our kids' summer wasn't just about mom being sick.
They delivered!
I owe a huge debt of gratitude to all our friends who arranged to have the boys over for swim and play dates this summer. One of our friends even went with me to the creek to watch the kids while I slept on a blanket.
People brought us meals, presents and offered to drive the kids to their activities. Friends dropped cards in the mail to make me laugh of show their support. I am so grateful to each and everyone of you.
Most of the time, hairloss aside, I didn't look sick.
Just a bald chick with a really weird sense of humor. Something, thankfully, I was able to retain.
The steroids made me gain weight so I didn't have that "ematiated cancer patient" look that we all know.
The chemo I had wasn't as bad as others. It was only near the end that things began to taste weird and didn't want to eat or had absolutely no energy. The steroids actually made me gain weight.
I am no Wonderwoman but normally, I am a pretty strong person who has an excessive amount of energy.
As one who never shies from tackling a task, it was horrible to be in a position where I couldn't function. But, with a hubby who travels a lot for work, there were many days that I didn't have a choice but to push through and do what needed to be done.
Those days I thanked God for my resilience, drive and Domino's delivery.
Unfortunately, the downside to being a really strong person is that people don't realize how bad it has to be if we have to ask for help.
When my energy meter ran out these last three months, it wasn't a matter of "a quick power nap" it was, "I'm going to bed and I don't know when I'll be able to get up."
Truly, chemo is no joke.
If I had to ask for help it was because I had no choice.
The ladies who work for me are incredible. They handled everything for me. Literally, everything, with the business. I rarely had to ask them for help. Most days I would just look at them and say, "I have to go to bed." They'd smile and say, "Sweet dreams."
I could rest and recouperate without worry.
That being said, I owe an excessively massive shout out to Jace!
The week after my double mastectomy, two of my employees were stuck at home with Covid scares awaiting test results. (They were negative by the way).
Jace single-handedly took care of all the orders, replied to emails and made the deliveries. It was a rough week and she carried all of us.
She is the consumate professional who understands that a job needs to get done no matter what. She can buckle down and push out work like no one else I know.
And she is largely unflappable. Honestly, I wish I had her composure!
My business partner is amazing. She handled the store...every day for more than three months.
Once the chemo started we never knew when I was going to need to sleep which made working outside of my house was out of the question. I had friends and employees who helped out but Ashley did the rest...all of it.
Classes, parties, orders, stock, bills, events ALL OF IT!
I may be high energy but I think she is super human.
I am blessed.
Blessed is the word that rings through my brain repeatedly.
I am blessed by the love of family, friends, employees, business partner and community.
This whole experience could have been worse, but we have been carried every step of the way.
I was at the coffee shop in town this morning ordering my favorite latte, happy just to be there, when I looked at the chalkboard with their Bible verse on it and wow, did it hit home:
Yes, thank God!
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