The Powder Room

I bought two training potties quite a while ago. Initially both boys were interested but the novelty quickly wore out for the kids.

Or I was waaaaay too lenient with the positive reinforcement jelly beans.

Anyway...I originally began the potty training with them sitting down and purposely chose potty seats with tall splash guards. Then hubby changed course on me, "Because its more manly to have them pee standing up."

While this is a little more fun for the boys, it's entirely too much work for me and I put my foot down.

They sit.

There is plenty of time for them to be manly and stand to pee. We'll get there when their willies are over the top of the bowl.

In the meantime, we all struggle with the twin thing of trying to get two kids on the potties at the same time.

The Stuntman prefers the training potty on the floor but the Engineer prefers to sit on the big toilet with the insert because he has unlimited access to the flush handle.

Hubby and I have learned that the first release is not the full voiding of the bladder and they need to be encouraged to sit, relax and let it go.

This lesson was hardest learned by hubby who had brought the Stuntman into the powder room to pee. After the initial pee pee hubby prematurely removed the Stuntman from the potty set him on the floor where he proceeded to empty the rest of his bladder. At that very moment the Engineer exclaiming, "Pee pee!" stepped across the threshold and pushed hubby, in his stocking feet, into the puddle and closed the door behind him!

The powder room is a total of five and a half feet long and only 35 inches wide.

Hubby was now trapped in a puddle of urine (at least it was warm) with two two-year-olds one of whom is without pants and a diaper and the other wants to pee on the potty.

He'd reached overload!

What did hubby do? Scream for me.

What did I do? Laugh.

For some reason, he did not find this to be anywhere near as humorous as I did.

Anyway...he was in complete panic mode and practically stuttering when I came to his rescue. I joked that I do this all day long and don't see what the problem is. He replied that he can handle the peeing part it's the "multiple thing" that he has trouble with.

I guffawed!

Once I could finally breathe again I reminded him that we've been doing this for two years now so he might want to hurry up and figure it out.

Pooping on the potty has not been anywhere near as successful.

In fact it's happened only once with one of the boys and only because he had the runs and the timing was perfect. The problem occurred when the other one wanted to pee because the first one was on the toilet.

I was already in the powder room sitting on a tiny little stool across from the toilet in front of the sink when the Stuntman, not to be left out, pushed his way into the room yelling, "Pee too! Pee too!" and closed the door.

I was trapped!

Picture the scene here...

The Engineer was sitting on a Cars toilet seat insert that has handles on the side that when pushed make race car sounds. The Stuntman is sitting on the training potty next to me on the floor. Remember the room is just over five feet long and is only 35 inches wide.

Just about the same time I have the thought, "If he pees and his willy's not behind the shield I'm..." AAAACK!

He's peeeeeing......ON ME!!!

I put my hand up to block the stream which deflected onto the Stuntman. Both of the boys started to laugh and we were all in a fit of giggles when I whipped the door open and called to hubby. His response was that he could hear what was happening and I told him that he really needed to see the seating arrangement to truly appreciate it.

Getting peed on by the kids is nothing new. We went through the first six months of their lives in a defensive posture while changing diapers.

You just never knew when one was going to let loose.

It's been quite a while since I've had to be on my toes to keep from getting peed on.

I've yet to get either of them to poop on the potty again so I have no doubt that this will not be the end of the potty training stories. I am however, letting them control the pace that they are potty trained. I've read and heard more nightmare stories about people who pushed their kids and had accident after accident not to mention the stress for everyone.

It will happen in their time no matter what I do anyway.

That being said, I have learned my lesson.

I sit in the doorway when they are on the potties...safely out of the line of fire.

First post!

Welcome to Love, Laundry and Laughter!

While I am not new to blogging, this is my first mommy post.

Nearly 9 months ago I gave birth to two of the most beautiful baby boys. From their first breath they have been nearly perfect children. "Nearly" because we have endured being peed on while changing diapers, barfing, difficult breast feeding, middle of the night screamings and now we are up to temper tantrums. Who knew that an 8 month old child could throw a temper tantrum? I had no idea. But, they have slept through the night (most nights) since they were four months old. They are happy, wonderful, friendly babies that people love to be around.

As a more "mature" mother, translation: old, I have watched my younger sister and older brother not to mention scores of fertile friends raise their children. Many times I have said to myself, "I would never let my kids do that." Yes, I have judged. I was a step-mother for a long time. I have done the teenage years, argued over the cleanliness of bedrooms, whose turn it is to clean the bathroom and even taught kids to drive. I have much more intestinal fortitude than I thought I did :) My point is that I am not without experience.

Babies! Babies are a whole different thing all together. No two babies are alike and that goes for my twins. One is laid back and capable of entertaining himself. The other is a smuggler. He's not a mommy's boy he loves daddy or anyone else that will hold him. He is happiest on a lap.

Twin pregnancies don't exactly adhere to the common pregnancy beliefs such as "morning sickness ends with the beginning of the second trimester." My morning sickness began with, "Congratulations, you're pregnant!" and ended with an emergency C-section.

Well-meaning, experienced, ladies made suggestions out the wazoo! Six months into my pregnancy, they would tell me, "Just keep the Saltines close." Each time I would have to bite my tongue to keep from saying, "A cracker?! Really?? You mean to tell me that I didn't need three medications all I needed was a freakin' cracker to fix this?"

I tried Saltines.

Saltines gave me the worst, and I mean worst, heartburn you could imagine, second only to mustard and did nothing to alleviate my nausea.

When I told these well meaning ladies about the heartburn they countered with, "How about Ginger Ale?" Ginger ale made me want to vomit. I tried Sea Bands. They helped a little but within two days my hands and wrists hurt so badly that I couldn't even lift a glass of water. I restricted my diet to low carb high protein to help with the ups and downs of digestion. That just made my constipation worse. Yeah, constipation. There's a wonderful side effect of pregnancy that no one tells you about until you're already well on your way!

I was on three, yes three, anti nausea medications and they just took the edge off. I tried acupuncture. Acupuncture worked wonders, but I would have had to go in for treatment nearly every day for it to continue to work. In the end the only cure for both my nausea and my skyrocketing blood pressure was birth.

The acid reflux was hideous! I drank Gaviscon like it was going out of style and ate Tums like they were M&Ms. Zantac barely helped. The doctor finally resorted to prescribing Nexium for me which, thank God, actually worked.

Any woman who bragged about "feeling great" or "never feeling better than when they were pregnant" I wanted to slap in the head or at the very least kick in the shins! I was jealous that I didn't get to have that kind of "dreamy" experience. One friend even told me to, "Just relax and enjoy being pregnant." I don't remember exactly what I said but she ended up apologizing. Hmmmm come to think of it, I should probably apologize to her.

I was a high risk pregnancy. So in addition to all the rest of the issues that I had, I was not permitted to exercise. I was not on full bed rest but I wasn't allowed to do anything either. I wasn't even allowed to walk around the block! Going into the OBGYN's office was work. And being high risk I had to go for weekly "non-stress" tests. Fancy description for monitoring!

I was not a happy pregnant woman. I did not enjoy being pregnant. At one point I called my mother, (thank GOD for my mother) in tears asking, "When do I get to glow?" I'd always heard that pregnant women have a "glow" about them. I didn't glow, well except maybe when my face was bright red from bawling my eyes out or dry heaving over the toilet.

What I did have was my own experience. I was sick, I was nauseas, I (this is undoubtedly the only time in my life that this will happen) was chastised by my doctor for not gaining enough weight. I cried all the time! I endured 6 weeks of Ensure+ shakes because one of the babies had his head embedded in my stomach and I couldn't get solid food down.

I had a sense of smell that would have put a bloodhound to shame! I could smell things that have no odor. I almost offered my services to an officer working with a K-9 unit in the state park. To this day I still can't stand the smell of Dawn with Oil of Olay dish soap.

In a word I was miserable. I hated being pregnant! But I was pregnant. My whole adult life I have felt "on the outside looking in" of this "mom club." I would sit politely at parties and showers and listen to pregnancy and birth stories but I was never really a part of what was going on. I had no story to tell. I couldn't identify with the other women. And, I was jealous.

I have my own story. I am no longer on the outside looking in. I'm part of the group.

I have two of the most beautiful wonderful babies in the entire world. They are perfect in every way and when they are not puking on me or blowing poop out of their diapers I am a...

Happy Mom