Robotic Box Checker

I thought I was going to get my drains out last week.

I was wrong. 

Unbeknownst to me, the total drainage per side needs to be below 30 cc per day for two days consecutively. Not knowing this, I arrived at the surgeon's office only to be informed, rather snippily by the nurse, that I was not going to be having them removed that day, the next day or probably not until the following week.

When I questioned why she said that I was draining more than 30cc's for the day. When I replied that I didn't know that she said, "I asked you when you called this morning." 

Technically she did. However, she did not ask, "Are you under 30cc's for the day?" What she asked was, "Are you under 30cc's?" I replied that when I emptied the drain that morning it was less than 20cc's. 

She got nippy. I got snippy right back and said, "You'll have to excuse me. This is the first time I've had my boobs cut off so I have no idea how things are supposed to work."

Then I had a massive meltdown... and the nurse got a lot nicer.

But, I still spent the day in bed crying. I was devastated. 

The drains hurt. 

I mentioned previously that the drain on the right was killing me. It was super painful and as it healed it got worse. Add suction pain to the drain pain and I was completely miserable. Seriously, it felt like my skin was being sucked into my chest. 

Sleeping has been nearly impossible which has contributed to my deteriorating emotional state and increased depression. Two antidepressants a day did little to help me. 

Don't get me wrong, I could and did, push through most days but all it would take was a pin to drop and I was off and blubbering again. 

I'm not the worst at asking for help but I'm not the best either. 

Fortunately for us, people have been better at helping than I have been at asking. 

Dinner has been delivered every other night by an army of friends and neighbors. The kids have had transportation provided and extra play time at friend's houses so I could rest and my staff has been UNBELIEVABLE! 

Honestly, I couldn't ask for better employees! I want to go into detail about these women but I will save that for another day and give them the full post they deserve. 

Fast forward to this week and my drains were removed on Wednesday...finally. 

We arrived at the surgeon's office and checked in. 

The nurse (same one) came around the corner and told Glenn that he couldn't come in. I responded with another  massive meltdown...like snot bubble, hyperventilate meltdown. 

Persistent pain is exhausting. I was worn out and clearly incapable of controlling my emotions.

Fortunately she relented, let him come with me and my drains were removed. 

The left one was uncomfortable but the right (the one that's hurt the whole time) hurt like hell! The nurse had to stop halfway through removing it so I could take a break. 

She also removed the steri-strips from the surgery and it looks so good! The incision is still a little wrinkly but it's flattening out a little each day. 

I did apologize for being such a nut job in the waiting room. She told me it was ok and went on to explain that since she was in the room alone she was afraid of having my husband pass out (something that has happened with spouses before) and she would not be able to take care of him and pull the drains at the same time. 

She told me I didn't need to apologize but I did again anyway. I do feel badly. 

Without the drains in, both my demeaner and my range of motion are improving. I'm not crying at everything and I even helped on some of the cakes this week! 

Maybe I'll even be able to fold the massive pile of clean laundry that has accumulated in the house. 

Yippee. <snark>

Glenn washes and dries but doesn't fold. 

After lunch we met with my oncologist, Dr. Tedeschi at Penn Medicine. 

Before the doctor came in a technician came to take my weight, temp, oxygen level etc. then began asking the barrage of general questions. The best one was, "Are you experiencing pain?" Glenn snorted, I laughed and said, "I just had my drains removed, so today is probably not the day to ask." She looked at me like a deer in headlights and asked, "So you have pain?" I replied, "Yeah, yeah I have pain." 

Then she asked...

Wait for it...

...

"Where?"

"Where they cut my boobs off!" I snarked. 

Really?!

C'mon people! I understand that these are trained individuals but seriously, can we bring back common sense?! They are not just trained but over-trained an incapable or not allowed to think for themselves. 

It was like speaking with a robotic box-checker. 

The Oncologist was a different story! I really like her. She is smart, funny, compassionate and has common sense! 

She didn't brush my concerns aside about having two businesses and needing to be as available as possible. When discussing the chemo schedule and possible side effects she made the suggestion of Fridays for infusion. This way if I have a negative reaction to the chemo my down days would be Sunday and Monday when the store is closed anyway and I wouldn't have to worry about finding someone to cover my hours. If it goes well and I feel up to it, I can have the infusion in the morning and then work in the afternoon! 

If I don't have any reaction to the chemo, I can switch my infusion days to Tuesdays in Kennett Square vs Friday's in West Chester. The difference in drive time is about 25 minutes each direction so being able to move to Kennett Square would be fantastic! 

Dr. Tedeschi did say that I would probably lose my hair. I replied, "Well, a summer without shaving can't be all bad right?!" She looked me in the eyes, smiled and said, "I like you. We're going to get along really well." 

I know for some losing their hair can be very traumatic. Truth be told? I'm sort of looking forward to not having hair. I've had a life-long love/hate relationship with the stuff. It is extremely frizzy. I once even had a hairdresser refer to it as fuzzy! Not having to deal with it at all might be a welcomed change for a few months. 

Now onto the chemo regimen....

I will be having Taxol + Herceptin infused via a port once a week for 12 weeks and then just the Herceptin once every three weeks for the remainder of the year. 

Many people are familiar with the chemo cocktail of ACTH. This stands for chemotherapy medicines Adriamycin, Cytoxan (chemical name: cyclophosphamide), and Taxotere (chemical name: docetaxel), plus Herceptin.

ACT is much more harsh than just the Taxol and comes with so many more side effects. I am feeling very lucky. Studies have shown that, in patients with clear nodes and a mass less than 2 cm, there is no benefit in receiving the ACT with H and that Taxol plus Herceptin is just as effective. Had the mass been larger or the nodes hadn't been clear my treatment would be the ACTH. 

Chemo will start on June 25. 

When we walked through the door after the appointments on Wednesday the boys greated us with, "Did they take them out?" I pulled my shirt up to show them that the tubes were indeed gone. They both cheered enthusiastically and for the first time in almost two weeks I got to fully hug my kids. 

Something I hope to be doing for many, many, many years to come. 

A Carpenter's Dream

Warning, There are post surgical pictures in this post. 

Surgery went great. 

Even my pre-op anxiety wasn’t as horrible is it normally can be. Most likely because I talked about it...to everyone! 

The morning was a little insane. We left the house late, hit traffic and arrived at the hospital late. So late, in fact, that registration called to make sure I was on the way 🤦‍♀️ 

After they took me into the pre-op room, I got changed, threw out my bra and they took my vitals. The doctor came in to see me, review what was going to be done and answer questions. Then I waited for about an hour to go to nuclear medicine to get injections in the cancer boob so they knew where the sentinel nodes were. 

The trip from pre-op to nuke med was interesting. Nuke med is in the old building of the hospital and pre-op is in the new wing. I was literally wheeled down main hallways. Never one to miss an opportunity, I was waving at people like I was in a parade. 

I’d be lying if I said the injections didn’t hurt like hell. My doctor said they shouldn’t be bad, other cancer patients said to prepare for the pain. Glad I was prepared! 

By now I was winding up and could feel it so when the “Happy Juice Guy” aka anesthesiologist came in I asked for something. They gave me a little Ativan to help me relax. It worked. 

Next thing I knew I was I’m my room waking up. I got to see Glenn before he went home to be with the boys. 

In addition to the nuke med that lit up my nodes, my breasts were injected with a blue dye so they knew where all the tissue was that needed to be removed. We were told that the dye would make my pee blue and they were not kidding!! 

I am the consumate boy mom who appreciates a good "Wooooow!" moment. After I peed the first time that night I had the nurse give me my phone so I could take a picture of it. Seriously, it was way darker than I anticipated. I sent the picture to Glenn and the boys and we all had a great laugh. 

The rest of the night was uneventful, I got some good sleep and my doctor even had to wake me up the next morning when she came in to check me out. 

A hematoma had developed on the right side so she had to press on the skin to move the fluid to the drain tube. Fun fact: when they cut off the boobs they take the nerves so, although she had to push on my chest, I could only feel pressure not pain! 

I was discharged that afternoon and headed home to relax. 

On the way out I was being wheeled past the nurses station and one of them said, "You need to wave on he way out, you waved on the way in." 

I can totally see myself doing that...So I waved good-bye. 

Since I opted to not have reconstruction I do not have expanders in my chest. Pain is minimal and controlled with just Acetaminophen (Tylenol). 

The drains...Ugh! 

I know these things are necessary but man are they a pain in the ass! 

The tubes come out just below where the bottom of my breast was and the tube wraps up into the skin area in a big circle. The part of the drain that is under the skin is perforated to allow the fluids to drain into the bulb (referred to a grenade at the nurses station :) and the tube is so much longer than I thought it would be! 

There is a plug at the top of the bulb that I open to empty out the fluid into a measuring cup so I can record the amounts and then the bulb gets squeezed before the plug is put back in. Doing this creates a suction that draws the fluid out of my body. 

As heal I form clots that are a total pain to remove from the lines. Sometimes they move themselves sometimes they don't. 

The compression bra they gave me was too tight. The band around the bottom had to be cut so that it wouldn't dig into my skin and some jackass decided that since it's a bra it had to have lace around the edges.

Seriously...Lace? WTF?!  On a good day lace can cause chaffing. Why the hell would someone put it on a post-surgical garment?! No doubt someone that has never had this particular surgery and didn't have to be in the thing 24/7. 

The other added benefit of the lace is that it gets stuck in the velcro. Because, you know, when you have tubes hanging out of your body AND limited arm motion you want to have to detangle the lace from the velcro at the top of the already uncomfortable bra! 

Anyway...

This is how the drain looks under my skin on the left side of my chest. 

There is some bruising (remember no nerves, no pain), which is to be expected but the incisions are amazing! I am so happy with the way everything looks. As the fluid decreases things are flattening out. 

One friend even told me I'm his "favorite 2x4"...

Flat as a board! 

OMGness! I am so glad I wasn't drinking when I got that text or I would have spewed magic bean water out of my nose. 

Mom told my that makes me a Carpenter's Dream! LOL

I wish I could say that the worst is over but unfortunately that is not the truth. Sadly, having my boobs cut off was the easy part. 

Chemo looms on the horizon. 

I will most likely feel sick and lose my hair. They will give me anti-nausea meds to help with the tummy issues but, I gotta tell you, the thought of a summer without the need to shave is a bit exciting. 'Cause you know that you don't just lose the hair on the head...

Yeah...NO BIKINI RAZOR RASH!!! 

Talk about a silver lining!

If I look hard enough there is always something good. 

What's been the best part of this so far? 

Love.

So many people have sent encouraging messages, prayers, gifts, flowers and have jumped in to help us out. We don't have to worry about food for weeks, the kids transportation is arranged and nurse friends have come over to check out my incisions and drain tube areas to make sure that everything is ok and there are no infections. 

As a result of all the prayers, love and support we've received I've been able to heal at a very rapid rate. 

We are blessed.