Adrenaline and an Ambulance Ride

I have never been one to pass up a challenge. 

Honestly, I am a bit of an adrenaline junky. 

Not in a freeride mountain bike sort of way but I'm not afraid of heights and I enjoy a good adrenaline rush. 

I was a competitive diver in high school and college and I have taken trapeze lessons, gone ziplining, jumped out of a plane and now have gone indoor skydiving. 

It was the shizz! 

Seriously! If you get the chance...GO! 

Can you get hurt? Sure but you can get hurt crossing a street or driving to work. I'd rather my end come when I'm doing something that makes me smile. 

I bought a package for the family for Christmas. 

My concentration for this year was on group stuff that we could do together. We got new board games, thing called the Shock-tato and two flights per person at iFly. 

Shock-tato and the board games are fun but the winner, hands down, was iFly. 

Each person got one minute of flight time, twice. 

We were in a group of 12 and when the first person finished they moved to the end of the line etc until you got back to the first person. 

It's not a cheap thing to do but was definitely worth every second. 

60 seconds doesn't sound like much but it's longer than you think when you are holding the skydiving position. 

There were hand signal commands because you can't talk in a wind tunnel with speeds of 70 mph+

The hand signals are really important! 

Learning the signals and knowing what to do when instructor gives them to you is the key to a successful flight. 

Following directions in general can be key to success. 

Thinking out of the box is good but not in life or death situations. 

More important than the rush that comes from flying is the shared experience with my guys. Glenn and I are not just sideline parents. We like to be involved and do as much as we can with the boys. 

This is one of those times I was more than happy to not be sitting on the sidelines. 

Sharing our windtunnel experiences together was fantastic and truly everything I had hoped for when I bought the tickets. 

We bought the special package to go back and do it again and none of us can wait! 

The boys are 10 now and the amount of time that they want to spend with us old folks is getting shorter and shorter. I am making a conscious effort to extend that as much as possible by encouraging family time. 

This was the reason for the theme for this past Christmas. 

We live in a society that puts stuff ahead of quality time and that's just not us. 

From cars to couches we buy as much used stuff as we can. Not only does it save a ton of money, but most of the stuff that others discard has plenty of life left in it and allows us to spend money on other things. 

Like indoor skydiving! 

My hope is that when the boys are grown and raising families of their own their concentration will be on creating their own memories not on the stuff that was under the tree on Christmas. 

While we are working on spending time together we are also not helicopter parents. It's never been our
thing to hover over our kids. Both hubby and I believe in the benefit of making mistakes and learning lessons. 

We also believe in independence. 

This paid off in droves when I was battling cancer. 

To this day the boys can get themselves up and ready for school. If I give them a list of chores they are pretty good about handling them. And, they don't look to us to be entertained. 

Maybe its a twin-mom thing. I never had the ability to just dote on one kid at a time. 

They did almost everythng at the same time: meals, naps, baths, etc. 

And, because I work with my hands from home, often just had each other to be entertained. 

This paid off again two weeks ago. 

Saturday morning at about 5:45 hubby was up making coffee when he heard a thump come from upstairs. 

He ran up to see what was going on and discovered me in a full seizure on the floor on my side of the bed. 

He called 911. 

I can't imagine how horrifying it must have been for him! 

The first thing I remember is being loaded into the back of the ambulance. 

After filling the boys in on what was going on, they went back to bed and hubby met the ambulance at the hospital. 

The good news is that all of the tests for serious things like a stroke or a brain tumor came back negative. 

The bad news is that they have no idea what caused it. 

Winter is a tough time for those of us who battle depression. I take a daily antidepressant but in the winter I take and extra one (thanks to daylight savings time) called Wellbutrin. 

They told me in the ER that Wellbutrin can cause seizures. 

I did a little reasearch and discovered that 4 out of every 1,000 people taking Wellbutrin will suffer seizures. I stopped taking it immediately. 

But, based on a study published in the the American Academy of Neurology patients who had Covid-19 were 55% more likely to develop epilepsy or seizures in the six months following Covid infection vs patients who had influenza. 

Well, I had Covid the week before Thanksgiving 2022. That was only two months ago. 

I was told to make a follow up appointment with a neurologist...I did. The earliest I can get in is March. 

Hurry up and wait. 

In the meantime I will follow up with my general practitioner and pray that this was one and done...forever. 

No Whining

Kids fall down and get hurt, they will cry but they need to figure out how to get back up and get on with life. Life is messy and sometimes sucks. I can't crawl under a rock and give up when things get tough and I don't expect my children to do so either.

I'm not a bitch. I don't just ignore them if they are hurt, but I will walk away from a tantrum. 

I bandage boo-boos, dry tears and give kisses. I love hugs and snuggles and a good tickle fight! I hate to see my kids hurt or struggling but I know that those struggles are what will make them stronger. 

I also love playing games with the kids but I don't let them win on purpose. When they beat me at Uno, it's fair and square!

I am not the type of person who over-mother's my kids. I am not a helicopter parent and don't deal well with people who manufacture reasons to worry. 

I've always known that when I had children, I was going to raise them to be independent, self-sufficient respectful, productive members of society. 

It's the way I was raised and couldn't imagine doing it any other way.

But...once I became a boy mom it became even more important to raise good future husbands.

Seriously, I hope to have daughters-in-law someday and I don't want them to hate me because I raised a couple of momma's boys who couldn't do anything for themselves! 

Besides, I'm not a coddler. I despise whiney anything. I don't care if it's a cat, dog, fish or child. Whine and I don't want to be anywhere near you.

Both Glenn and I have encouraged the boys to do things for themselves at very early ages as well as have them help with tasks around the house. These could include anything from scrubbing toilets to helping put the mulch in the gardens.

They are in third grade now but have been getting dressed, getting their breakfast and brushing their teeth on their own since first grade. Initially I would assist but they handle the bulk of it.

I will give time prompts like, "30 minutes to bus!" but they handle the rest.

After the pandemic hit and we were forced into quarantine, I bought Uncrustables, snacks, juice packs, etc. and showed them where everything in the fridge was. At lunchtime, they'd grab their stuff and either sit inside if it was cold or rainy or outside in the sun to eat lunch.

Raising self-sufficient kids isn't hard. It just takes commitment to let them do things on their own and resist the urge to micromanage. Most of the time they do not do things the way I would, (they are, afterall only 9) but, in the grand scheme of things, that doesn't really matter if the job gets finished. 

I want them to make their own way in the world and that requires them to figure stuff out on their own. 

We believe in chores.

They help with the laundry, empty and reload the dishwasher, help with the trash and recycling, vacuum, mop, dust and scrub toilets.

If I have a crazy week and life gets ahead of me, they can, and do, pitch in.

Having independent kids paid off in spades while I was going through chemo. There were days that I literally, could not lift my head off the pillow.

During the summer it wasn't a really big deal but once school started, they had to fend for themselves in the mornings. They would get breakfast, brush their teeth, pack their snacks and get dressed by themselves. I would give my usual time prompts but they handled everything else.  I would message a neighbor asking her to let me know that they got on the bus safely but that was about all I could handle. 

Chemo ended in September and our busy lives continued with gymnastics, karate, business, etc. 

Then Glenn and I caught Covid at Christmas. 

Not a style of holiday celebration I recommend for anyone...by the way. 

We didn't get the easy, get over it in a few days’ variant. We got nailed!

The boys were fine but Glenn and I were down for the count...for days. More than a week really.

Once again having independent children who could fend for themselves paid off.

Neither Glenn nor I were able to get up. We had lots of leftovers in the fridge that the kids could eat and I would order food to be delivered so that they weren't always scrounging to find something.

Hubby and I joke about the kid’s week of "self-parenting" but they really did. With covid in the house no one could go anywhere anyway so iPads, pillows and forts were the tools of choice.

I got better, Glenn did not.

We got him to the hospital where he stayed for 19 days.

I did my best to keep life as usual for the kids. Thanks to some wonderful friends we were able to maintain the status quo. But I am thankful that my kids can and do the chores we taught them. 

Glenn was discharged on Saturday, January 29...in a snow storm because, why not?

It was great to have him home.

He was still exhausted, and we had soooooo much to learn about the diabetes but we have wonderful friends who have jumped in to share their knowledge and experience that we also had peace of mind knowing that we had back up if we needed it.

The kids were just happy to have him back in the house.

They were pretty chill through the whole hospital stay but dad's return was an obvious relief.

Glenn is doing much better. Unfortunately, we recently had a major scare that sent Glenn to the ER via ambulance.

To say that it was terrifying for me was an understatement. Blowing a kiss goodbye to the man I love as the ambulance doors closed will forever be one of the toughest moments of my life.

Sending him off with a major pain in his chest and still filled with blood clots was terrifying because I had no idea if I was going to see him alive again. 

The cause of the pain was never diagnosed but all the things that could have killed him were ruled out. So that was good-ish. I try to focus on the positive but it's so difficult sometimes. I feel like I'm constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop...thank goodness I'm not a centipede! 

I struggle with the unknown.

Even when something is bad I can usually deal with it as long as I know what it is. Trying to maintain my faith when I have no clue what is happening (like mystery chest pain) is something that I struggle with.

My friends know this about me. Three different people sent this to me in the past 48 hours. 

“And the peace of God which surpasses all understanding, 

will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.” 

Philippians 4:7

All it takes is faith and really cool kids. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Bacon It Is

I'd love to tell you that the doctors got Glenn's diabetes under control and he is home recuperating but...

Things went from bad to worse. 

Glenn has a strange pain under his ribs on his left side. No one really seemed to know what the problem was and when I asked Glenn via text he replied, "Colitis."

I googled it and got a basic understanding and as long as it's caught and treated early it's not the end of the world. 

Then the pain went away. 

That was on Friday, January 14. 

Saturday Glenn's platelets started to drop. 

What are platelets you ask? According to John's Hopkins "platelets, the smallest of our blood cells, can only be seen under a microscope. They’re literally shaped like small plates in their non-active form. A blood vessel will send out a signal when it becomes damaged. When platelets receive that signal, they’ll respond by traveling to the area and transforming into their “active” formation. To make contact with the broken blood vessel, platelets grow long tentacles and then resemble a spider or an octopus."

Sunday they dropped again but everyone seemed to think it was a covid thing and nothing showed on tests...besides the pain was still minimal.


When I asked the nurse about the colitis she informed me that he never had colitis.

Um...what?

As a covid positive patient the staff has to wear double masks, face shields, gowns and gloves when the go into his room. Understandable precautions of course, however...Glenn doesn't hear very well.

One of his doctors is a woman with a very high pitched voice which is already difficult for someone who has hearing loss, nevermind through two masks and a face shield. I have no idea where he got the colitis from, and neither does he, but the good news is that he doesn't have it.

Monday and Tuesday he continued to improve was taken off oxygen, his platelets were beginning to climb and was scheduled to be discharged on Wednesday, January 19.

Then his spleen exploded.

No, it really did.

Explains the platelet issue.

Because he had been scheduled for discharge I had turned off the ringer on my phone so I wasn't woken up every time an email came in, like I had been every night for a week. I was exhausted, thought that things were better and that turning off the ringer for one night would be ok.

Huge mistake.

They had been trying to call me since 3:30 in the morning but I didn't wake up from the vibration of the phone ringing until 5:30.

Terrible way to wake up by the way.

His spleen had ruptured and he was bleeding internally. His spleen needed to be removed...immediately.

There was no way I could get there before they took him to the operating room so the doctor called me from his personal cell phone so that I could tell him I loved him before they took him to the OR.

Although he was still testing positive for Covid, now that he was in ICU, they allowed me to visit. I had to show proof of a negative covid test and wear wear a mask, a gown and gloves.

They could have told me that I had to wear an iguana suit and I would have done it. I hadn't seen Glenn in a week. I'd have done anything to be with him.

After his surgery I arrived at the ICU, donned the PPE and entered the room.

I had to keep myself from going into a full blown panic attack.

Hubby had tubes and wires everywhere! He was fully sedated, on a ventilator, had a gastic bypass tube coming from his nose, a catheter, four IVs, a pulse oximeter on his finger, pressure things on his legs, heart monitors all over his chest and restraints on his wrists to keep him from trying to pull out the ventilator tube if he woke up. 

It was tough to see him like that...really tough. 

But, I got to sit with him and hold his hand. 

The next day they took out the ventilator tube and he could talk. 

The following day they moved him out of ICU into a regular room and declared him Covid resolved so the gown/glove restriction was removed and I could visit whenever I wanted! 

It was such a relief to see him improving. 

He tried to apologize and I jumped on him verbally. 

This is not something that he caused and no apology is needed. 

It's not like he was screwing around with a chainsaw and cut off his foot. This was a virus that reacts differently in everyone it hits. There is no way to predict who will have a tough time with it. 

He has enough to deal with without the cloak of guilt! 

Through all of this I have done my best to keep friends, family and loved ones up to date on his status, while running businesses and being mom and domestic engineer, chauffeur, chef and laundress, etc. 

Most of it communication has been pretty easy. Once I sent one text I copy and paste the rest. I do call his family and my mom though. 

Fortunately, the boys' schedule has long been established and Glenn normally travels a lot for work so I'm already used to being the chief cook and bottle washer. 

What I'm not used to is the stress. 

Three times now, the day he was supposed to be discharged, there has been a complication. I'm at the point now that I don't want to know if they think he'll be discharged. Just call me when he's ready and I'll go get him. 

The rollercoaster ride is horrifying.

Right now I'd pay someone to shoot the ride operator...sadistic prick. 

I spend most days on pins and needles waiting for updates from doctors, nurses or Glenn. 

Glenn's updates are usually one or two words that end up generating more questions than peace of mind. He's never been a really wordy guy but the lack of details only adds to the stress.

I do my best to stay strong and not alarm the kids. Within reason, they know everything that is going on. I don't tell them things right away. I let things sit for a while and make sure I am calm before I tell them so they don't panic.  

The strategy seems to be working. I think they appreciate not being kept in the dark and I haven't incited any drama. Kids really are resilient and understand much more than we give them credit for. 

David has competed in two away gymnastics meets since his dad got sick. We have been to Atlantic City, NJ and State College, PA. He has added huge number of medals to his collection. He won almost every event in Atlantic City and placed first in the All Around. In State College he had a rough time in a couple of the events but still finished 4th overall. 

After one of his worst floor routines ever, he came back and scored a 9.9 on pommel! 

I am impressed with both his physical and mental strength. He seems to be able to put the stressful stuff aside and focus on the task at hand. A phenomenal trait at such a young age. 

Daniel has continued with his karate and Jiu jitsu. He loves it and is working on his brown belt! We are adding another day for lessons for him. 

Daniel is our "roll with it" kid. Very few things rattle him. He has a very laid-back, loving demeanor and would rather snuggle up and watch a movie than anything. Until he's grappling in jiu jitsu. He's fiercely competitive. It's not a side we see often so it's facinating to watch! 

Both boys chose to play string instruments this year. David is playing the violin and Daniel is playing the cello. They practice a few minutes every day and are doing really, really well. 

They had a concert last week. I was able to record all of the songs to play for Glenn. I was crazy impressed with how well the kids did. To be honest, I thought it was going to be cute but audibly painful. I didn't
expect to be able to actually hear music! 

Their teacher is both a miracle worker and a saint! 

I was also able to send Glenn videos of David's meets. The reception in the gyms sucks but I could run outside between events and get enough bars to get the videos to send. It wasn't the same as having him there but at least he could see how David did in real time. 

Glenn is still not home. 

Again, he was supposed to be discharged but they ultrasounded his legs and found clots. 

Glenn's text consisted of, "Not good. Clots."

It was three hours before I could speak with his nurse. 

Can you say, "Stress"?

He is on a Heparin drip now and will be monitored very closely as the blood thinners dissolve the clots. 

Thank God they checked him prior to discharging him! 

As always, I'm desperately trying to stay positive and find things that we can laugh about. 

One of the best so far came from one of the boys' friends and classmate who was diagnosed as a Type 1 Diabetic in first grade. 

She came to Daniel in class to give him some tips to pass along to his dad, "If he gets hungry," she said, "Tell him that he can chew on ice chips or eat meat, even bacon. He can have as much bacon as he wants because there are no carbs." 

Bacon it is! 

More Research Is Needed

Did you know that a potential long-term side effect from Covid is Diabetes?

Yeah, neither did we. 

While I have bounced back and and almost 100% again, Glenn was not so lucky. 

We thought he was making progress and had begun to eat again but his thirst was off the charts, he was still losing weight at an alarming rate and his fatigue was terrible. 

He went to the doctor who sent him for a chest x-ray because she was concerned about covid pneumonia.

Turns out he does have a mild case of pneumonia, so mild in fact, that if that had been his only complaint the doctor would have given him steroids and sent him home. 

It was the additional symptons that had her concerned so she wanted Glenn to head to the ER. 

Before we could leave I had to organize after school care, transportation to gymnastics, pick ups and dinner. It was a crazy amount of phone calls and texts but thanks to my assistant Jace, the parents of their friend and our wonderful friend Cory, everything worked out well. 

We got to the ER at approximately 4:30. I wasn't allowed in and had to wait in the car. Fortunately, this is the same hospital where my surgery was so I am familiar with the layout and was able to find a lounge where I could hang out, plug in my Kindle and cell phone and wait until they took him back. 

Unfortunately, I didn't last that long. Glenn needed a charging cord for the phone and informed me at 8:30pm that it was going to be at least three more hours until they were going to give him a bed so I gave him my cord and headed home so that Cory could head out. 

Glenn wasn't given a bed until 11:30 last night! 

Turns out that the pneumonia was the least of his problems. 

His blood sugar was over 500! 

Blood sugar, or glucose, is the main sugar found in your blood. It comes from the food we eat and is the body's main source of energy. The blood carries the glucose to all the body's cells to use for energy. 

Normal blood sugar ranges from 70-100. 

What is Diabetes? The American Diabetes Association has a great article that explains it. 

So how does Covid cause diabetes? 

No one is 100% sure but it seems that they are getting closer to understanding what is happening. Recent research has discovered that the beta cells in the pancreas are particularly subject to attack by the Covid virus. Beta cells are responsible for the production of insulin and insulin is what is used to deliver glucose to the cells in the body. This article from abcNews does a nice job of explaining what happens, why diabetics are at higher risk and what happens to the pancreas to cause diabetes to develop in a patient. 

I learned today that viruses in general have long been suspected of causing or exacerbating diabetes. More research is needed but to have identified the attack on beta cells is huge and could lead to greater diabetes break throughs over time. 

Statistics are showing that the danger is worse for children under the age of 18 but, as we have learned, it can still happen to adults. Unfortunately, they don't have enough data to truly understand why some will get it and some won't. There is no way of knowing if the patient was predisposed to it or if they were prediabetic prior to contracting Covid. 

Again, more research is needed. 

Much like the symptons of Covid the side effects are numerous. As a result of Glenn's diagnosis we are now aware of the potential for diabetes but are also learning that other serious side effects include blood clots, strokes, heart issues and Guillain-Barre Syndrome which causes paralysis. 

Unfortunately, Covid is here to stay. I firmly believe that eventually everyone will get it. Some will suffer worse than others and some will just sail through. There is no way to predict how each person will be effected...yet. 

Hopefully, as time passes, the medicines will get better and less people will get it. 

In the meantime, keep an eye on your loved ones, especially the children. If they have had Covid and are suddenly thirsty, fatigued and losing weight they need to be tested for diabetes. 

I did my best to explain to the kids today what was going on. I think they understood. Lucky for us they have a friend who is a Type 1 diabetic so they understand that dad will need insulin and shots. They seemed relieved that he is feeling better already. 

He'll be in the hospital for a few days but his prognosis is good. 

If you are inclined, we'd appreciate if you could send a few prayers up.

Thankful, Grateful, Blessed

Thanksgiving 2021 was a wonderful, low key afternoon filled with family, laughter and delicious food. 

 

Because I was going to be having surgery again, I decided that we would use paper and plastic for Thanksgiving dinner. I'd never done this before. I love to set the table with my china and silver but I didn’t want the extra burden of cleaning up. 

 

Guess what? 

 

The food tasted just as good as it would have if I'd served it on china! 

 

Clean up was easy and stress free! We would have used disposable cups but I could only find Red Solo Cups and well, I drew the line on that.

Thankful, Grateful and Blessed are just some of the words that came to mind as I sat on the sofa Thanksgiving night with a fully belly and a face that hurt from smiling so much. 

 

I’ve been through some rough spots in my life but this past year has taught me more about love, gratitude and blessings than any other! 

 

Being diagnosed with breast cancer and going through chemo taught me the importance of attitude, humor and a support system. 

 

Being diagnosed with breast cancer also helped me see what really matters. 

I've always been the type of girl who doesn't beat around the bush. If you want warm and fuzzy, I'm probably not the girl you want to hang out with. 

 

Don't get me wrong, I can be kind and loving and offer a shoulder to cry on but I will most likely find a way to make you laugh. 

 

I really prefer to laugh. 

 

The last quarter of the year has been trying beyond description. 

Between the medical bills and the car situation it's a wonder that I haven't pulled out what little hair I have! 

The week before Thanksgiving week I spent seven hours on the phone dealing with the medical crap plus another three dealing with the vehicle situation. 

I had no idea that I had a spare 10 hours in the week. 

Who knew?! 

I have also cried more dealing with the car than I did through my whole cancer diagnosis and treatment. 

When I am frustrated beyond words I cry then shut down from depression as the walls close in. They closed in hard and fast and I was despondent. 

Well, until I hit that stupid deer. 

Anyway...

After receiving the quote from the dealership that was astronomically high, I called some independent transmission shops and got quotes. The best was with a guy who has rebuilt 15 of the same transmissions this year. His price was $3,800 worst case scenario including parts. This was nearly $2K less than the dealership quoted us. Even if the Ford corporation paid for parts, our out of pocket expense was going to be more than the whole fix with an independent. 

I called the dealership to tell them that the vehicle was going to be towed out and see if we owed them anything. 

In true dealership fashion, I was told that they service manager had to speak to his boss, but he wanted to see if he could match the price. 

He called me the next morning and, after confirming the independent shop was going to use Ford parts, asked if they could do the job if they matched the price. I told them yes, as long as they would guarantee that it wouldn't cost more than $3,800. 

They said yes. 

I'd won...sort of. 

I freaking hate this BS. 

I've had a LOT of jobs in my lifetime. Not the least of which was working in the service department in dealerships. 

I know the game. I play the game well. I hate the game. 

And, I despise feeling as if I was being screwed. 

We were definitely getting screwed. 

I hate having to do it but am grateful for the experience that gives me the know-how to get it done. 

The car is repaired, Ford Motor company paid for part of the repairs and the rest cost us less than $2K out of pocket. 

On the medical expense side of things, I have applied for grants and copay assistance programs. I'm happy to report that $75 of each chemo/infusion double billing is being paid for by the makers of the Kanjinti (generic Herceptin) that I've been receiving. This cut my bill to Penn Medicine by almost half! 

I am still sorting through bills but things don't feel as horrible as they did couple of months ago. 

Hubby and I got each other Covid for Christmas. 

Christmas and New Year's were spent sleeping. In fact, most of the past three weeks have been spent sleeping, when we weren’t coughing. 

 

The cough has been terrible. I couldn’t talk for days. Just the thought of speaking would incite a 10-minute coughing fit that would leave me wiped out. 

Slowly but surely, we’re getting better but it’s taking a lot of time. 

When Covid hit and the world shut down we thought 2020 was the worst year ever. 2021 was like, "Hold my beer!"

This past year has sucked, but you know what? 

I am alive, we’re getting healthy, I never have to wear a bra again and I didn't have to shave for a whole freaking summer!

I am thankful for early intervention and amazing medical professionals. Grateful to friends and family who helped us and blessed by God with a positive attitude, sense of humor and a strength that helped me get through the mess that was 2021! 

I can do all this through him who gives me strength. ~ Phillipians 4:13