No Whining

Kids fall down and get hurt, they will cry but they need to figure out how to get back up and get on with life. Life is messy and sometimes sucks. I can't crawl under a rock and give up when things get tough and I don't expect my children to do so either.

I'm not a bitch. I don't just ignore them if they are hurt, but I will walk away from a tantrum. 

I bandage boo-boos, dry tears and give kisses. I love hugs and snuggles and a good tickle fight! I hate to see my kids hurt or struggling but I know that those struggles are what will make them stronger. 

I also love playing games with the kids but I don't let them win on purpose. When they beat me at Uno, it's fair and square!

I am not the type of person who over-mother's my kids. I am not a helicopter parent and don't deal well with people who manufacture reasons to worry. 

I've always known that when I had children, I was going to raise them to be independent, self-sufficient respectful, productive members of society. 

It's the way I was raised and couldn't imagine doing it any other way.

But...once I became a boy mom it became even more important to raise good future husbands.

Seriously, I hope to have daughters-in-law someday and I don't want them to hate me because I raised a couple of momma's boys who couldn't do anything for themselves! 

Besides, I'm not a coddler. I despise whiney anything. I don't care if it's a cat, dog, fish or child. Whine and I don't want to be anywhere near you.

Both Glenn and I have encouraged the boys to do things for themselves at very early ages as well as have them help with tasks around the house. These could include anything from scrubbing toilets to helping put the mulch in the gardens.

They are in third grade now but have been getting dressed, getting their breakfast and brushing their teeth on their own since first grade. Initially I would assist but they handle the bulk of it.

I will give time prompts like, "30 minutes to bus!" but they handle the rest.

After the pandemic hit and we were forced into quarantine, I bought Uncrustables, snacks, juice packs, etc. and showed them where everything in the fridge was. At lunchtime, they'd grab their stuff and either sit inside if it was cold or rainy or outside in the sun to eat lunch.

Raising self-sufficient kids isn't hard. It just takes commitment to let them do things on their own and resist the urge to micromanage. Most of the time they do not do things the way I would, (they are, afterall only 9) but, in the grand scheme of things, that doesn't really matter if the job gets finished. 

I want them to make their own way in the world and that requires them to figure stuff out on their own. 

We believe in chores.

They help with the laundry, empty and reload the dishwasher, help with the trash and recycling, vacuum, mop, dust and scrub toilets.

If I have a crazy week and life gets ahead of me, they can, and do, pitch in.

Having independent kids paid off in spades while I was going through chemo. There were days that I literally, could not lift my head off the pillow.

During the summer it wasn't a really big deal but once school started, they had to fend for themselves in the mornings. They would get breakfast, brush their teeth, pack their snacks and get dressed by themselves. I would give my usual time prompts but they handled everything else.  I would message a neighbor asking her to let me know that they got on the bus safely but that was about all I could handle. 

Chemo ended in September and our busy lives continued with gymnastics, karate, business, etc. 

Then Glenn and I caught Covid at Christmas. 

Not a style of holiday celebration I recommend for anyone...by the way. 

We didn't get the easy, get over it in a few days’ variant. We got nailed!

The boys were fine but Glenn and I were down for the count...for days. More than a week really.

Once again having independent children who could fend for themselves paid off.

Neither Glenn nor I were able to get up. We had lots of leftovers in the fridge that the kids could eat and I would order food to be delivered so that they weren't always scrounging to find something.

Hubby and I joke about the kid’s week of "self-parenting" but they really did. With covid in the house no one could go anywhere anyway so iPads, pillows and forts were the tools of choice.

I got better, Glenn did not.

We got him to the hospital where he stayed for 19 days.

I did my best to keep life as usual for the kids. Thanks to some wonderful friends we were able to maintain the status quo. But I am thankful that my kids can and do the chores we taught them. 

Glenn was discharged on Saturday, January 29...in a snow storm because, why not?

It was great to have him home.

He was still exhausted, and we had soooooo much to learn about the diabetes but we have wonderful friends who have jumped in to share their knowledge and experience that we also had peace of mind knowing that we had back up if we needed it.

The kids were just happy to have him back in the house.

They were pretty chill through the whole hospital stay but dad's return was an obvious relief.

Glenn is doing much better. Unfortunately, we recently had a major scare that sent Glenn to the ER via ambulance.

To say that it was terrifying for me was an understatement. Blowing a kiss goodbye to the man I love as the ambulance doors closed will forever be one of the toughest moments of my life.

Sending him off with a major pain in his chest and still filled with blood clots was terrifying because I had no idea if I was going to see him alive again. 

The cause of the pain was never diagnosed but all the things that could have killed him were ruled out. So that was good-ish. I try to focus on the positive but it's so difficult sometimes. I feel like I'm constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop...thank goodness I'm not a centipede! 

I struggle with the unknown.

Even when something is bad I can usually deal with it as long as I know what it is. Trying to maintain my faith when I have no clue what is happening (like mystery chest pain) is something that I struggle with.

My friends know this about me. Three different people sent this to me in the past 48 hours. 

“And the peace of God which surpasses all understanding, 

will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.” 

Philippians 4:7

All it takes is faith and really cool kids. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Bacon It Is

I'd love to tell you that the doctors got Glenn's diabetes under control and he is home recuperating but...

Things went from bad to worse. 

Glenn has a strange pain under his ribs on his left side. No one really seemed to know what the problem was and when I asked Glenn via text he replied, "Colitis."

I googled it and got a basic understanding and as long as it's caught and treated early it's not the end of the world. 

Then the pain went away. 

That was on Friday, January 14. 

Saturday Glenn's platelets started to drop. 

What are platelets you ask? According to John's Hopkins "platelets, the smallest of our blood cells, can only be seen under a microscope. They’re literally shaped like small plates in their non-active form. A blood vessel will send out a signal when it becomes damaged. When platelets receive that signal, they’ll respond by traveling to the area and transforming into their “active” formation. To make contact with the broken blood vessel, platelets grow long tentacles and then resemble a spider or an octopus."

Sunday they dropped again but everyone seemed to think it was a covid thing and nothing showed on tests...besides the pain was still minimal.


When I asked the nurse about the colitis she informed me that he never had colitis.

Um...what?

As a covid positive patient the staff has to wear double masks, face shields, gowns and gloves when the go into his room. Understandable precautions of course, however...Glenn doesn't hear very well.

One of his doctors is a woman with a very high pitched voice which is already difficult for someone who has hearing loss, nevermind through two masks and a face shield. I have no idea where he got the colitis from, and neither does he, but the good news is that he doesn't have it.

Monday and Tuesday he continued to improve was taken off oxygen, his platelets were beginning to climb and was scheduled to be discharged on Wednesday, January 19.

Then his spleen exploded.

No, it really did.

Explains the platelet issue.

Because he had been scheduled for discharge I had turned off the ringer on my phone so I wasn't woken up every time an email came in, like I had been every night for a week. I was exhausted, thought that things were better and that turning off the ringer for one night would be ok.

Huge mistake.

They had been trying to call me since 3:30 in the morning but I didn't wake up from the vibration of the phone ringing until 5:30.

Terrible way to wake up by the way.

His spleen had ruptured and he was bleeding internally. His spleen needed to be removed...immediately.

There was no way I could get there before they took him to the operating room so the doctor called me from his personal cell phone so that I could tell him I loved him before they took him to the OR.

Although he was still testing positive for Covid, now that he was in ICU, they allowed me to visit. I had to show proof of a negative covid test and wear wear a mask, a gown and gloves.

They could have told me that I had to wear an iguana suit and I would have done it. I hadn't seen Glenn in a week. I'd have done anything to be with him.

After his surgery I arrived at the ICU, donned the PPE and entered the room.

I had to keep myself from going into a full blown panic attack.

Hubby had tubes and wires everywhere! He was fully sedated, on a ventilator, had a gastic bypass tube coming from his nose, a catheter, four IVs, a pulse oximeter on his finger, pressure things on his legs, heart monitors all over his chest and restraints on his wrists to keep him from trying to pull out the ventilator tube if he woke up. 

It was tough to see him like that...really tough. 

But, I got to sit with him and hold his hand. 

The next day they took out the ventilator tube and he could talk. 

The following day they moved him out of ICU into a regular room and declared him Covid resolved so the gown/glove restriction was removed and I could visit whenever I wanted! 

It was such a relief to see him improving. 

He tried to apologize and I jumped on him verbally. 

This is not something that he caused and no apology is needed. 

It's not like he was screwing around with a chainsaw and cut off his foot. This was a virus that reacts differently in everyone it hits. There is no way to predict who will have a tough time with it. 

He has enough to deal with without the cloak of guilt! 

Through all of this I have done my best to keep friends, family and loved ones up to date on his status, while running businesses and being mom and domestic engineer, chauffeur, chef and laundress, etc. 

Most of it communication has been pretty easy. Once I sent one text I copy and paste the rest. I do call his family and my mom though. 

Fortunately, the boys' schedule has long been established and Glenn normally travels a lot for work so I'm already used to being the chief cook and bottle washer. 

What I'm not used to is the stress. 

Three times now, the day he was supposed to be discharged, there has been a complication. I'm at the point now that I don't want to know if they think he'll be discharged. Just call me when he's ready and I'll go get him. 

The rollercoaster ride is horrifying.

Right now I'd pay someone to shoot the ride operator...sadistic prick. 

I spend most days on pins and needles waiting for updates from doctors, nurses or Glenn. 

Glenn's updates are usually one or two words that end up generating more questions than peace of mind. He's never been a really wordy guy but the lack of details only adds to the stress.

I do my best to stay strong and not alarm the kids. Within reason, they know everything that is going on. I don't tell them things right away. I let things sit for a while and make sure I am calm before I tell them so they don't panic.  

The strategy seems to be working. I think they appreciate not being kept in the dark and I haven't incited any drama. Kids really are resilient and understand much more than we give them credit for. 

David has competed in two away gymnastics meets since his dad got sick. We have been to Atlantic City, NJ and State College, PA. He has added huge number of medals to his collection. He won almost every event in Atlantic City and placed first in the All Around. In State College he had a rough time in a couple of the events but still finished 4th overall. 

After one of his worst floor routines ever, he came back and scored a 9.9 on pommel! 

I am impressed with both his physical and mental strength. He seems to be able to put the stressful stuff aside and focus on the task at hand. A phenomenal trait at such a young age. 

Daniel has continued with his karate and Jiu jitsu. He loves it and is working on his brown belt! We are adding another day for lessons for him. 

Daniel is our "roll with it" kid. Very few things rattle him. He has a very laid-back, loving demeanor and would rather snuggle up and watch a movie than anything. Until he's grappling in jiu jitsu. He's fiercely competitive. It's not a side we see often so it's facinating to watch! 

Both boys chose to play string instruments this year. David is playing the violin and Daniel is playing the cello. They practice a few minutes every day and are doing really, really well. 

They had a concert last week. I was able to record all of the songs to play for Glenn. I was crazy impressed with how well the kids did. To be honest, I thought it was going to be cute but audibly painful. I didn't
expect to be able to actually hear music! 

Their teacher is both a miracle worker and a saint! 

I was also able to send Glenn videos of David's meets. The reception in the gyms sucks but I could run outside between events and get enough bars to get the videos to send. It wasn't the same as having him there but at least he could see how David did in real time. 

Glenn is still not home. 

Again, he was supposed to be discharged but they ultrasounded his legs and found clots. 

Glenn's text consisted of, "Not good. Clots."

It was three hours before I could speak with his nurse. 

Can you say, "Stress"?

He is on a Heparin drip now and will be monitored very closely as the blood thinners dissolve the clots. 

Thank God they checked him prior to discharging him! 

As always, I'm desperately trying to stay positive and find things that we can laugh about. 

One of the best so far came from one of the boys' friends and classmate who was diagnosed as a Type 1 Diabetic in first grade. 

She came to Daniel in class to give him some tips to pass along to his dad, "If he gets hungry," she said, "Tell him that he can chew on ice chips or eat meat, even bacon. He can have as much bacon as he wants because there are no carbs." 

Bacon it is!